Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Seeking God's Will On His Terms

I'm sorry I haven't written enough in a while. I've been trying to learn a new part-time job and because there is no manual for doing it, just a lot of "stuff," it gets a little stressful at times.

The kids bought a Playstation 2 with their birthday money this year and the scary thing is that I usually end up the one who plays it the most. It takes my mind off my symptoms and lets me focus on something that isn't necessarily work or writing. It also is something I can do when I can't really sit up and type.

The good news is that our house is no longer in immediate danger. YES! Thank you, God! We will not lose this house for financial reasons, just like God promised us over four years ago. Do we really deserve it? Who knows? Why is ours spared when so many these days are not? I don't have a good answer for that at this point. I do know that our home group will not be interrupted, which is huge. I know our family didn't have anywhere to go and the stress would have made my condition spiral, possibly for a long time.

I also see the number of things we've learned through all of this. When people would ask how we were doing, I wanted to tell them that we were just being reminded of how vulnerable we all are to losing what we hold dear. What a conversation stopper! But it's true. We are all just the next breath away from losing everything, unless God continues to provide us with oxygen for our brains, food for our stomachs, water for our mouths and clothes for our bodies. Only God's grace lets us live however many days we have. Although I would have likely denied it, I really was living my life by a subtle twist of belief that if I tried to do everything according to God's will, I wouldn't suffer. I now know that the road God has laid out for each of us can include pain and suffering for its own sake, not just as a corrective measure.

That isn't something that you see in the front of the church bulletin. It's not popular for discussion. There are even some out there that would say this is heresy, that God would never lead his children into suffering. These are probably the same people that don't understand Job very well. I'm not saying I'm as righteous as Job, but if God can lead him through that wilderness of pain, he certainly can lead others through similar circumstances. We don't want to hear that, though. We'd rather seek God by saying "Bless me! Bless me and mine!" That's because we think too little of the prize and too much of this vapor of a life, myself included. Still, like Rich Mullins said, "I don't want to lose the eternal for the things that are passing."

That said, I'm relieved we are not losing our home. I'm truly grateful for so many praying for us and helping us. My children have a roof over their head and don't have to worry about losing it. That is a blessing to me.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Living In Christ

A fellow blogger posted about learning about God's love, and I left a comment that I thought would be a good statement about my faith these days.

The more I live in Christ, the more I realize how much it all relates back to that sacrifice of love on the cross and the Man Who made it for us. The deeper I go into my faith in Him, the more I understand about His love for me. It is no longer about gaining understanding or pursuing knowledge about God. Instead it’s about letting Him do what He wants with me and letting Him reveal Himself, Who He is as my provider, my shield, my comfort, my strength and my deliverer. The more He leads me through the wilderness, the more I depend on Him. I trust Him in those moments because of His love and His sacrifice for me. I am His child, bought with a price. That is one thing that affects me every day of my life.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

White Heart's Montana Sky

I don't know if a whole lot of folks remember the group White Heart, but I was a big fan of their music. They had a song called Montana Sky that Rob Rumfelt used for some inspiration and follows the lyrics pretty well. You can download it from his site or watch it here on YouTube. It's worth the watch, once you get past the "Google Earth" beginning. (Caveat: Some still pictures from the crucifixion in The Passion of the Christ are used).



I loved that song. When this song was new, I wanted to do the same thing that Rumfelt did. I wanted to do that with a lot of the songs that moved me. Alas, the cinematographer in me never flourished. I had to be content watching Ric Florian dance around in an abandoned railyard. Oh well.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Google Street View

When Google Maps came out, I was impressed.
When Google Maps satellite view came out, I was floored!
When Google Earth came out, I was knocked out!
Now that Google Maps street view has arrived, I'm all woozy!

Watch this...


Now, doesn't this look like fun? It looks like so much fun, I'm going to be a virtual tourist for a few weeks. See ya!

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Marketing For Fibromyalgia Syndrome

The most aggravating part about Fibromyalgia syndrome (FMS) is that there is no objective test for it. It doesn't show up in your blood work or an MRI, really. FMS is the invisible disease.

Now this invisible disease is getting some air time on TV. A woman writes in her journal about the pain being unbearable. Another complains that if she looked how she felt, people would understand her. It's all part of a marketing campaign for Pfizer and their drug Lyrica, recently approved by the FDA to treat Fibromyalgia. Before the approval, it was on the market to help diabetics with nerve pain.

The impact is difficult to assess at this early stage. Socially, will this drug and others make people more aware of FMS like Prozac made people more aware of manic depression? Will they be aware of other symptoms and precipitating events like weather, stress, and other factors?

The medical community's reaction is also going to be hard to judge. Will doctors be more aware of FMS and be able to diagnose it correctly? Some doctors diagnose it for people who have a long-lasting injury. I had one person tell me, "Oh, I had Fibromyalgia in my back for about 6 months and then it cleared up." Quite obviously, that wasn't FMS. Other doctors refuse to believe FMS even exists. They believe it's a psychological condition, that it's all in a person's head and if they simply pushed through the symptoms, they'd get better. That doesn't wash, but doctors like that will not change their opinion simply because a patient reports they tried that already. Will this marketing cause them to look into it further? It's difficult to tell.

Most importantly, will this drug work? Only time will tell.

My hope is that more people who do suffer will be willing to talk to their doctor about their symptoms. If their doctor is unreceptive, I hope they will get a second or even a third opinion. I also hope that more research will lead to an objective test that will indicate not only whether it's a true case of FMS, but also the severity of the disease. Perhaps the research will lead to a cure or a better treatment. Again, only time will tell.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

I Don't Feel Cold...

Surrender your rights when you work with the government or its schools. Best thing to do. Don't be religious or think of trying to help others. Fit in. Conform. Don't think. Don't feel. Be fake and everything will be just fine. Don't expect. Suggest. ...I feel numb.

Did we revise the line about the Statue of Liberty to say, "Bring me your neo-pagans and your hindus, but keep your Christians yearning to breathe free"? Maybe I'm getting cynical, but I see a anti-Christian bias in more and more places it shouldn't be. It shouldn't be there, unless we're no longer free.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

I Should Be Able To Do This

You know you are disabled when...

You've had the thought, "If you can do something, you should be able to do so without:
  • Wincing
  • Moaning
  • Crying
  • Throwing up
  • Wheezing
  • Popping
  • Aching
  • Screaming
  • Crumpling
  • Breathing like a Lamaze coach
  • Sighing
  • Collapsing
  • Feeling like that's the end of your day right there
  • Wishing you were someone else
  • Hoping it won't stay like that forever
  • Limping
  • Losing your balance
  • Falling on your face
  • Falling on your butt
  • Cramping
  • Seizing
  • Leaning on someone for support
  • Hoping no one sees you like this
  • Slipping
  • Believing that this will be the last time you'll ever do so
  • Lying in bed for a week afterward
  • Asking someone to help you undo what you did
  • Running to the bathroom
  • Sleeping for 3 days
  • Running out of energy
  • Risking your life
  • Needing therapy later
  • Wishing someone else was there to help you

The sad truth is, being disabled means being dependent for something others do without thinking twice about. It's just the nature of life. No one is completely independent and if you need help, welcome to the human race. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Too Much TV

You know you've been watching TV during the day far too long and far too often when you notice which lawyers have lost weight and which ones have lost hair. This may be hypocritical, but TV doesn't add much value to your days, even when it's all you can do to turn the box on. Pick up a book-on-CD for those down days. If nothing else, your imagination gets a workout and it gives your mind a respite from the pain.