Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Checking Where We Are At

I've been feeling the urge to write on my blog, but I don't know what to write about. Everytime I try to write what I'm going through and learning in my relationship with God, it's like biting into a green banana. It's way under-ripe.

So where am I? What am I doing? Why am I asking myself questions?

My mom has surgery tomorrow and the central issue is her uterus. The last time it was the central focus, it was my home -- 30 something years ago. They worried about me then. I worry about her now. It's not fretting or hand-wringing worry, just a pre-occupied worry that draws your mind every idle second. Pray for her, if you would.

My children grow more interesting with every passing day. My eldest has been dealing with some friends who decided that the books my daughter has enjoyed for years and thoroughly embraced are in their minds less than worthy. This has put my daughter's world in upheaval and we've spent a lot of time sorting through the issue itself and also what motivates people, what good friendships look like and so on. I'm just glad to be there to help her sort through the complexities.

My son and I are breaking out the Madden football and warming up to the upcoming Broncos season. My son is 9 and he's just a sponge for football. He gets the strategies and he's beginning to get the nuances of the sport, with tactics like using a quick throw over the middle to defeat a blitz and how spinning can actually open up a play. I want him to learn and enjoy football. Still, when I was his age, one year of Pop Warner was enough to push me away for a few years. My coach was nuts, but he was also good at getting the team to win week-in, week-out. It was horrible but it also changed me, for good or for ill. I wonder how much of my disablility is owed to that "year of heck." I'm not as willing to put my son through as much. I enjoy his tender heart too much.

My youngest is enjoying the last of her "cute" years at age 5. She is reading, writing and controlling all who fall under her power. This is good and also very bad. I wonder if she'll get herself into a situation where a cute smile, an "I'm sorry," or a time of contrition in her room won't undo the mess. So far so good, but there's just things you can feel as a parent. "She doesn't quite grasp this yet."

We continue to wait for disability to realize we're telling them the truth. Those of you who know the process know that this can be years in the making. It is the hardest to sit here and wait for them to get to you while your kids need more. God will take care of us though. He will see us through.

My eyes are not staying open, so I'll close. Hopewrite you again soon.

Steve

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

My Favorite Foods

I have been away for far too long.

My blog suffers each time I am under a deadline and this was no exception. Come to think of it, my body suffers any time I am under stress. Yesterday, I slept 15 hours because the piece I was working on was finally completed and submitted the day before. Ah the wonderful world of Fibromyalgia!

As it was, I woke up just in time for a date with my wife. Any time you can't remember your last date, it's a sign you need another one. Last night, we went out to the Outback Steakhouse, courtesy a friend's generosity, for what is the ideal meal to me. Start out with warm, fresh bread with butter. Follow with a caesar salad and then a center-cut sirloin seared to medium-rare perfection along with a loaded jacket potato. Such is my favorite meal. We talked, held hands over the table, and meaningfully discussed life together. Then dessert arrived.

Every restaurant dessert requires an excuse. Paying $5 for dressed up ice cream is hard to justify otherwise. In this case, my birthday was the excuse and I decided to go big. The Outback's "Chocolate Chocolate Tower" is every chocolate lover's dream. Imagine thin layers of chocolate cake separated by the richest chocolate frosting known to man. I can't say it was fudge because that suggests something unlike what it was. I remember a Bavarian chocolate torte and this was the closest approximation. Good grief, it was so good! As a part of my weight loss regimen, I do not gorge anymore, but this was worth breaking that rule. If you want chocolate cake for your birthday, baby, that's the one!

I waddled to the car after that. I couldn't complete the feat and finish it. That's another part of my weight loss plan. Food left on the plate is a good thing, not something to feel wasteful about. Compulsive cleaning of the plate is just that, compulsive. I will not be mastered by anything, as Paul said.

Am I on a diet? Not really. Diet implies that I'll go back to old habits after a while. I can't afford that. I need to lose a lot of weight over time and then keep it off. This is the new way I eat and I plan to keep it that way. I will not order dessert in the future... unless I have an excuse.