Monday, August 16, 2010

Letting God Work, Even In Loss

I posted this comment to my friend Marsha's blog called Other Such Happenings in response to her post, "They didn't know him..."

Dear Marsha,
Great point, and one we need to let the Holy Spirit work into each of us to let him speak through us to those who don't know Jesus personally. Let me comment on one part you brought up. 
I believe that your "non-reaction" to mentioning Christian isn't an indication that you love him any less or that you have gotten over the loss. I think it's just an indicator that the pressure exerted on your heart by the loss has been accommodated. It just happens. The wound is not fully healed--nor can we expect it to be in this life--and your priorities and desires have not changed. But you have changed in order to fit this very uncomfortable fact into your existence.
Let the Creator of your heart help you see what's happening and what to make of it. I think there's some comfort in knowing that He's working in you and your heart is being changed daily by his care.
I don't dare compare our griefs, but I do know that loss is painful. I know looking at what I've lost in my abilities is hard. I don't want to accept certain facts, but I know that He has seen this from the beginning and He is authoring in me a new chapter full of his miracles, big and small, and his beautiful redemption and ultimate triumph. Letting Him have mastery over my heart and mind is my challenge. Letting deprivation, pressure, stress, joy, hope, and living desire shape them without losing sight of His love is the essence of my life in Him. Comfortable? No. Needed? Yes.
Can I accept this? Do I have to do it? Only if I want to reach the prize He has for me in the end. For that reason, I subject myself fully to His will, whatever the cost. Can I endure this? Only He would know. But I want that prize. I hunger for it constantly.
Thank you, Marsha, for giving us a window into your grief and the process of moving through it. You are His daughter. I can see it. ;)
Steve
It's very difficult to accept loss. My gradual loss of abilities is something I've had to confront the last five years and try to accommodate in my life and my desires. For a guy who once played midfield for his high school soccer team, climbed the heights of Colorado's mountains, and fully engaged life as it came, I live a humble, inactive, estranged life that grinds me up sometimes. I feel very understanding of the author of Psalm 38 with the maladies he describes, and, just like him, I look to God for my deliverance, whether today or when I come into my inheritance. He will be with me through all of this, and in the end, I will have Him! I look forward to that day soon!



PS: Here's some good reading (NIV) (MSG). It's one of my favorite chapters.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Grumble, Grumble, Toil and Trouble

Let's see.

We have one vehicle, namely the van used to carry my wheelchair, down for repairs after it died just before entering the Eisenhower Tunnel (CDOT, Wikipedia). The hills approaching both ends of this tunnel have killed more vehicles than I care to count! Currently, our beloved van sits outside my house while we mull repair versus replacement. Repair is winning, but the price of $4,500.00 is just a bit outside our comfort zone. Anyone got a Chevy 350 small block in their pocket?