Benched

I have not had too many "up" days recently. A lot have been spent laid out in bed, searching for some way to lay my body that didn't cause pain. I don't have an explanation. I can't readily point to something and say, "I overdid it and I shouldn't do that." It's just been one long string of ow. Ow, this hurts. Ow, that hurts. It wouldn't be so bad if the fatigue wasn't the super-industrial quality that gives me 30-120 minutes before it knocks me out again. It's just one more day in the life of Fibromyalgia. On the up-side, I found a good page that really spells out to folks what FM is like, thanks to Adrienne Dellwo of About.com.

The most frustrating part is knowing that I missed a day of my kids lives with nothing but a dented mattress to show for it. They only have 120 more before their birthdays (all in April), and they're changing every day. I feel like because I can't keep my head from the pillow, I'm failing them as a father. This isn't reality, of course. I have no choice in the matter. It's just the way my emotions get the better of me when I miss time with them. I can certainly relate to those who are imprisoned, those who can't beat their addictions, and those like me who struggle with a debilitating illness. You see life passing by and it hurts to know that you're not a part of it every day.

Yet, I have to believe that God will give me the ability to be there for my kids when it matters. I need God to give me the strength and stamina to be a father and pastor to my family. I need Him, period. He will supply all my needs. His grace is sufficient for me, for His power is made perfect in my weakness. He's given me everything I need for life and godliness. My hope will not disappoint, my faith is steadfast and firm, not because I am powerful, but because He is all-powerful in me, my weak and tattered body. He will deliver me from this body of death through Jesus Christ, our Lord! I cling to this, even in the darkest of times.

Take comfort in Him. He will meet your every need.

Dealing With An Angry Heart

As a father and a Christian, I have a unique opportunity to help my children tap into one of their greatest assets: their relationship with the Holy Spirit. Jesus said that He would send us the Holy Spirit who would guide us into all truth. The Spirit is a counselor, a companion and a direct link to God’s heart for us.

Tonight, my eldest was having one of her battles against her horrible tension headaches. She literally feels like the muscles are going to break her skull. After I assured her that wasn’t going to happen, I asked her if she had been talking to God about her worries. She said it seemed He wasn’t listening. When I dug deeper, it came to light that she didn’t want to say to God some things that she was feeling about Him.

One obstruction to a life free in Christ, living by His Spirit, is refusing to be honest with God about ourselves. We may feel like we aren’t worthy of His attentions. We may feel angry at, hurt by, or even abused by Him. Failing to bring these things front and center in our prayers with God is being dishonest with Him. We may feel like He doesn’t want to hear why we’re angry or that He will strike us down with an even worse affliction if we “complain.”  Beloved, if your heart cannot bear the wound, don’t you think your Creator wants to help, to heal you and comfort you? Doesn’t He already know your heart and what you feel? Refusing to bring these things out and deal with them in His presence is preposterous and ignorant of the One Who loves us.

God really wants us to be honest about our feelings with Him. He’s a big God, and he can take the vitriol and fire of an angry heart. The dissolution of pretense is the solution.  Being honestly angry with God is something we all need to be at some point. It’s a natural outflow of human hearts saved by Love while still living in a fallen world of sin.

When we’re honest and forthright with our anger and frustrations, God will do one of two things with your heart. He will either help you understand the nature of the problem and lead you in the direction that will be most in line with His will for you, or He will comfort you and cry with you, giving you the grace and solace that only God can give. They call it the peace that transcends understanding. It may not be what you want, but it is definitely what you need, and God’s heart always gives you what you need.

So if you’re driving down the same ugly road, your fuel is low, and the lights on your dash just couldn’t get any redder, pull over. He’ll be coming along and you can let Him help. There’s one condition. Only you can pop the hood and let Him look you over. There’s no anger or condemnation in His eyes. You’re His child and you always will be. But you need to let Him be the one to guide you out of the bad part of town you’re in and learn how to let Him maintain your heart. He’s an excellent mechanic, and I trust him with my life, and more importantly, my children.

Incommunicado In Colorado

I suppose some explanation is in order for why I haven’t been writing nearly as much as I used to. It relates  to my disability. I have arthritis in my spine between my neck and mid-back. The pain is usually located between my shoulder blades and below. For me to have to hunch over a keyboard for more than a few moments brings on spasms that no pain killer or muscle relaxant can touch, at least not without affecting my thinking patterns. In other words, if I want to type, I must either endure extreme pain or wander about the corridors of my mind aimlessly, Neither of which sound very appealing.

I have been dictating, as I am right now, but this is a new challenge because the mental process that I use to speak is noticeably different than the mental process that I use to type. It’s an odd situation, because I use both to produce written words, yet the end product from one process is noticeably different from the other. I don’t speak like I type, and because I type better than I speak, it has been a slow process of retraining my mind.

Additionally, Windows Speech Recognition doesn’t take kindly to partial phrases and afterthoughts. If I use shorter strings of words, speech recognition has less context that it can use to make sense of what I say. Therefore, I have to put together complete sentences a lot of the time. This isn’t how people around me normally speak, least of all someone like me. What’s worse, my sense of concentration drops quite a bit when I’m speaking. I don’t know what it may be called, but my lack of concentration when I'm trying to communicate is frustrating!

Unless I get some sort of adaptive equipment that allows me to type pain-free, I am going to have to continue this retraining of my mind. It feels a bit like learning a second language. Eventually, I will get better… At least I hope so. I’m going to continue to write, regardless, because writing allows me to express myself and speak what’s on my heart. Hopefully, the labor to express myself will get easier. Knows? Maybe this computer will eventually understand what I have to say and how I say it.

The other source of delay is my sporadic network connection. Wireless is so wonderful when you have it! Until I do, I have to blog offline and wait until I can connect to upload. Forgive me, but this may cause some "blog bursts" of two to five entries at once. Still, as always, I hope you enjoy it.

Never Abandoned In The Floodlands

In a former life that I now dimly remember, I occasionally got free music as a sales associate for The Ark Bookstore in Denver. Normally, the samples were of new, relatively unknown groups that their label was trying to push. There was the rare exception, however, and those were moments that made the low wages and long hours almost worth it. Chief among those moments was when our Sparrow representative stopped by with a pre-release copy of Steve Taylor's 1993 album, Squint. It was the last—so far—studio album that Taylor would release, capping a decade-long career in the Christian music industry. Most folks don't know who Steve Taylor is. However, most Christians have likely heard the Newsboys' song, Shine, which Steve produced and wrote the lyrics to. In fact, Steve's partnership with the Newsboys is what most credit them for their success.

Steve's music has had a huge impact on my life. Songs like Hero, Meltdown, On The Fritz and so many others fed my spirit when I faced religious hypocrisy and pretentious spirituality at a young age where I needed truth and solidarity. Truth confronts, but it also comforts. One of the best examples is in the song, "Curses," where the chorus (echoing Psalm 37:25) repeats,

Never have I seen the righteous forsaken
Never abandoned in the floodlands
Never have I seen their children out begging
Never have I seen them slip through your hands

This simple refrain would echo in my mind every time I faced worries about making mortgage or buying groceries. It remains a reminder that not only is God faithful, but that I am not the first of his children to encounter financial difficulty.

There is something else about the chorus. In this modern,"lower-middle class" lifestyle, I tend to forget the meaning of floodlands. Today, modern civilization has flood control. Rivers that used to rage and ravage towns and cities are now harnessed and regulated by dams and reservoirs. The floodlands were areas that were normally dry but prone to extensive inundation. As a result, no one who could afford to build would build in such an area. They tended to be vast areas with thick undergrowth crisscrossed by a myriad of foot trails. The only inhabitants were the poorest of the poor, vagrants living a nomadic lifestyle and eating hand-to-mouth. If a river were to flood, they would be among the first victims, sometimes the only victims. Being abandoned in the floodlands would never be by choice. It would be the last stop before dying.

God is always mindful of our situation. He never lets us slip through His hands. We make mistakes, but He never does. Also, notice what it doesn't say. It doesn't say that we would never see the floodlands, or walk through them. He may have us pass through the floodlands for any number of reasons, not the least of which would be to reach out to those are also in desperate need. Yet here is the one thing that brings me such comfort: we will never be abandoned! We have a God who carries us through the fiercest storms and the highest waves. Most importantly, when it's all over, we get to go home with Him. That's worth any trek we might face here on earth.

Just in case one thinks I'm blowing smoke, I'll offer a subjective proof, one of many small miracles God has done for me and my family. Two weeks ago, my mind turned to Christmas. It dawned on me that we might not make mortgage, let alone have the ability to purchase gifts this year for my children. Rather than fret, I told God about it and asked Him to please provide Christmas gifts for my kids. Later that week, I got a call from our church saying that a family wanted to bless a family in need with Christmas presents and asked if I would be interested. "Are you kidding? I was just praying about that this week!" I told them. Needless to say, everyone was blessed at how God worked the whole thing. He usually isn't so blatant and obvious. God uses subtle and practical ways for us most of the time. But once in awhile he offers us unmistakable signs that He's there. With God, we are never abandoned.

There Goes the Sesame Street Neighborhood

My wife came up and told me that Sesame Street had done another spoof. This time it was a skit called "Desperate Horse-wives." I got a groan when I asked if the characters were less than neigh-borly.

In all seriousness, I'm not that thrilled with how the folks at Sesame Street parody network TV shows. While I am sure that the creators mean simple and innocent fun with their skits, I believe it also sends the message that the shows they represent are normal and acceptable in normal households. I'm not sure how normal we are, but Desperate Housewives is a show that we do not let in our house. My children know that when Extreme Makeover Home Edition is over and they hear, "Previously on Desperate Housewives..." power to the television is to be immediately terminated. It's almost comical how they scramble to turn it off, as if they were diving on a live grenade.

While it may not be a grenade, many TV shows are painfully difficult for us to watch these days. Some of the shows are so corrosive, I wonder how anyone can possibly watch them. Consequently, some nights we simply don't turn on the television set. Instead, we will read a good book or play a game together, if we don't split up to do separate things. We avoid the shows not because we like feeling superior or cerebral, but because we've found that these shows actively interfere with our hearts and minds.  

^8-9Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies. (Philippians 4:8, The Message)

I can't come out with a list of TV shows that I think are bad or good. The verse above should be more than enough for the average Christian, especially when it's paired with the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Each person is responsible only to God for decisions like these. However, Jesus did give us a special charge with children.

"And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around his neck. Mark 9:42 (NIV)

To me this verse means that God takes the destruction of children's innocence very seriously. This is why the Sesame Street skits irritate me. It feels like they're playing with fire. Look smart all you want, but I would prefer if they would just stick with "C is for cookie," and the yip-yip monsters.

What? You've never heard of the yip-yip monsters?

Yip Yip

| MySpace Video Thanks Jodi!

An Afternoon With My Daughter

I spent this afternoon with my 6 year-old daughter. Instead of my thinking of what I couldn't do with her, we read, watched movies, and hung out. We even played three serious rounds of hangman. She brought out her plastic menagerie, a plastic tote stuffed to the rim with 50 or 60 plastic animals of every exotic origin.

She holds up a wildebeest. “This,” she says with all the certainty of a sunrise, “is a cantalope.”

It doesn’t matter what else is going on in the world that day. We spent the afternoon blissfully unaware of everything but each other’s company. I think God craves that time with me sometimes. Then again, perhaps he’s simply watching me with the interested eye of a bemused parent as I say, with all the certainty of a sunrise, “I have it all under control.”

My daughter Shiloh makes my heart laugh. She makes me very happy with just how she smiles. I could go for days, weeks, months, or even years without seeing the sun shine, but not one day without seeing her smiling face. I’m a very blessed father to have her. There’s no one else in the world that I would want in her place.

Since Elections Are So Close To Halloween, Here's Something Scary

I strongly suspect that those who would spend 30 minutes decrying Federal corruption and bureaucracy wouldn't spend 30 seconds on Google looking up who's on their local school board. If there was ever a weak point in democracy, this is it.

Thanks, Mike Rosen, for your thought-provoking commentary.

Burning Questions

A friend of mine asked me what I thought of this. I thought, I hope they don't try to cook the chicken over all the glue, cardboard, simulated leather, and the myriad of chemicals likely to be in the books they're collecting.

Seriously, these folks have lost the point. If it were simply a matter of their faith being unable to accept anything but the KJV Bible, I wouldn't say anything because that's their issue that they need to work out with God. Something else is the matter.

They can burn all the books in the world except for their precious KJV and still never come to this critical realization: The problem is not in the books out there in the world; the problem is in our hearts. It's easier to burn someone's books than it is to examine our own thoughts and actions. It is true that they burned books and paraphernalia back in Biblical times, specifically Acts 19. Nonetheless, it was an outward demonstration of what had already happened in their hearts. Specifically, it was to make a clean break with the past lives they'd lived, burning the bridge behind them that lead back to the old ways. They knew that, if things got rough, their hearts might lead them back into the sorcery and divination they had been practicing. They could have sold all of their junk and received the equivalent of $35,000. That money went up in smoke because they didn't want to pass on the practices that they had abandoned.

This church's book burning is a case where the practice out-lives the meaning. It serves no real purpose, except to state their reading preferences and belief in the King James-only doctrine. Given that that statement could be made any number of ways, having a book burning is a foolish choice. It gives the appearance that small-town, North Carolina residents are intellectually backward. It plays to the stereotype that small-town southerners are narrow-minded, hyper-religious zealots. It invites comparison to the Nazis and other evil regimes, both real and imagined, that used book burning in their quest for an ideological purity. It is, in my mind, the worst thing they could possibly do to demonstrate their faith. This is exactly what the enemy would want them to do.

So what are we to do for people who operate like this? Should we correct them? Should we disown them? Neither; in fact we should pray for them, that the Holy Spirit would correct them, that he would stop them from continuing this practice. I pray that they come to a better understanding of God's love, and, in turn, move to a better expression of his love for others.

Life With FM Can Have Its Ups and Downs

I just had the first day up since my last post. I wish I was kidding. Fibromyalgia often means that I can't get enough sleep. I couldn't stay awake for more than an hour, maybe two, from Wednesday afternoon until this morning, with the exception of Friday evening. It's so frustrating to know that life is going on but not be able to participate!

Contrast that with today, when, thanks to the efforts of some friends, I was able to maneuver my power chair next to my workbench and actually work my way through the years of accumulated junk! Moving my chair along the bench, I steered clear of pain and frustration. I felt like I could do what I needed to do myself. In the end,  it relieved me so much just to spend three hours working on an eyesore that I have seen every time I go through the garage. It's going to take a lot more work, but I'm going to get through it. I know, because I have the support and the help of friends and family.

This Post Will Make You Hungry

One of the wonderful things about the blogosphere is that, once in a while, you happen upon a blogger who you really resonate with. For me, the blog “Lisanotes” has been hitting all the right chords with me. Recently, she had a book review that I found unexpectedly useful.

The problem has been months—no, years!—in the making. My 10 year old son has had more than his share of difficulty in understanding his sisters. Disagreements and frustrations over daily occurrences, like my 13 year-old daughter’s use of the computer, have boiled into huge conflicts. Lisa’s review of a book titled, Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti, which I had skimmed over, came to my mind. After reading the review, I sat down with my son and explained the concept to him. I will let my son take it from here.

If I were a food I’d be a Waffle. I’d be a Waffle because it describes how a male’s brain works and processes things. A Waffle has squares in it (as always), so does a males brain (supposedly). Each box represents a thing that a male is doing or thinking about at one time. Males think differently than females. They focus on one thing at one time. Females don’t think or do one thing at one time, they think or do it all at once. Therefore, females are like spaghetti because their minds keep on thinking about everything at once. They keep on following the spaghetti line through all the sauce and other noodles. Then they run out of noodle, and then their minds jump to another noodle that leads them to another, and another, and another, and another and another and so on and so forth. That is how I think that the male and female minds work, and that is why, if I were a food, I would want to be a Waffle.

(p.s. My Dad explained this to me, which really helped understand my mom and my sisters.)

Like a lot of boys, my son understands word pictures. Until this moment, it was really hard for him to understand the differences God has built into women. Now, instead of him wishing that girls were more like boys, which is something every 10 year old boy seems to struggle with, he allows his sisters the freedom to be who they are. The difference inside our house is night and day! I can hardly believe what a difference it has made. Instead of berating his little sister for leaving a mess somewhere, he reminds her that she should help clean up. His humor, his bright smile, his very soul seems sweeter and more mature. I have the feeling that I just did my future daughter-in-law—whoever she may be—a huge favor.

I told you this post will make you hungry. Let's go to IHOP and talk it over.

Fibromyalgia Patients Have Significant Neurological Symptoms

I have long known, even before I was diagnosed, that Fibromyalgia Syndrome is not all in my head. The media has announced that yet another study confirms this. It's interesting to me that the poor balance, motor problems and tingling sensations so strongly and clearly showed up in this survey.

Every day, I have tingling and weakness somewhere, usually in my legs. It's scary when I go to take a step and my legs don't respond. I feel like a tree being felled because my balance already shifts but my feet remain planted. Once I yelled, "Timber!" right before I caught myself! I haven't fallen very far in a couple of years, thankfully. When I'm that bad, I can use my power chair to handle the difficulties and keep me safe. I used to stay in bed to limit my fall risk. That's no way to live!

I pray that God gives humanity new wisdom in the next few years on this chronic illness. Neurology is only now getting the fact that Fibromyalgia is real. They need all the help they can get!

Eden Will Bloom

I am proud to say that I know this lady. The video really grabs hold about halfway through.



If you want to hear more of Tamra Hayden's music, visit her ReverbNation site for a full preview of her album, A Day At the Fair.

Love And Grace In the Face Of Life And Death

I have held off on writing this post for a couple of days, mostly because I needed time to reflect and process the raw emotions of it all. Like a lot of guys, I don't handle emotions well. I keep the lid tightly screwed down and only let off steam in a controlled way when I know it's safe, just like a pressure relief valve. This works for being a dad, usually, unless there's too much pressure, and then it's either vent or explode. I know others can identify with this. The problem for me, however, is that chronic pain and the natural stresses of being disabled (economic, physical, and psychological) have my boiler at an already high pressure. Sometimes, people feel they have to tip-toe around me, and I am so ashamed of this.

I am disclosing this very real struggle simply because this weekend, I met a family who has been through so much more than I have in the last 15 years and yet remain bound to each other by the love and grace of God.

Many in the homeschooling community know of Chris Klicka and his work with the Homeschool Legal Defense Association (HSLDA). Until recently, few have known about his battle with Multiple Sclerosis (MS). Since the MS has progressed and robbed him of even the more basic functions of life, he came to a national homeschool conference to be with the leaders one last time. Last Friday, he became so ill that they hospitalized him. My wife and I were able to meet with the family on Sunday, mostly to pray with and encourage them.

It was then that God used one of the classic tactics in his toolbox. We went there to minister and bless, only to find ourselves being ministered to and blessed. I'm sure we did help, but we were witness to such love and grace that we found ourselves humbled and almost embarrassed. One of their friends said to us, "You are at ground zero. So many prayers from around the world are focused here." It was clearly evident. What could have been a time of great sorrow and frustration was instead a time of patience and prayer. Sure, there was uncertainty looking at the future, especially where Chris's future was concerned, but there was no doubt that whether he stayed or went, he would be blessed. Paul wrote the church in Phillipi with the same dilemma, saying,

If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.

The understanding is that Chris wants to leave this body and be with Christ. The only thing keeping him here is the will of God, which is tied to the needs of the believers here. Whatever God wants to work here while Chris remains, whether it is calling people to prayer or bringing some unseen fruit out of this situation, the Klicka family is submitted to it. They pray over him, read scripture to him, love on him as much as they can, but they know that God will call him home when He says it is time. So much love, submitted to God's authority was incredible and humbling! Could we face the same situation with as much love and grace? Only by God's power and strength.

While we traveled there for one purpose, it's becoming clear to me that we were there partly so that Chris' family could impact us, which in turn means that Chris himself survived a close call on Saturday night because we needed to witness God working through his family on Sunday. I do not know the future, but I know that such love submitted under God's will can only reap a bigger and better harvest in the coming days and weeks.

If you want to follow Chris Klicka's condition and his family, you can visit his Caring Bridge journal. Please continue to pray for the grace and peace to flow through and around this family!

Training Parrots Or Educating Minds

This article, which was part of an HSLDA e-mail, makes a great case for educating children by helping them think on their own rather than training them to spit up answers to questions on command. We need students to think logically and consistently. Indoctrinating them with a conservative mindset without getting them to think through the reasons supporting both perspectives can cripple them when they assume their adult roles.

When my kids ask me what a specific person believes, I am under the obligation to tell them why that person probably believes what they do. For example, why is Barrack Hussein Obama pro-abortion rather than pro-life? How do we know that he believes that? What does this say about his values of human life? What implications does this have toward the current issue of medical care? Would Obama favor abortion on demand or possibly euthanasia? Taking them forward in these steps is more than asking questions and getting them to answer? It is patterning their minds to take the next logical steps. It applies as much to what they watch on TV as well as it does to understanding politics. Do the people on this show exhibit honor and value towards each other? Do we want to emulate them? What reasons do we have to watch it?

Walking through life asking such questions will change what you do, but it will also shape minds to live by the light of reason, and not just follow their appetites, which leads to sin. On the other hand, walking with reason leads to wise choices, which leads to life, full of happiness and hope. I owe at least that much to my children.

Pain Awareness Month

September is Pain Awareness Month. What does that mean? Do we all have to stub our toes or hold hot rocks in our hands or something? Nah. Pain Awareness Month is aimed at helping people understand that chronic pain exists and that if you or someone you love suffers from chronic pain, there is help out there that can reduce the pain or even remove it.

God Of The Morning

I can get caught up in my own world of symptoms, side effects and economic factors. I sometimes forget that there are those with a similar vision and mission that have it much worse than me. I am grateful that God has not taken more from me. Yet Chris and I have one very important comfort. We have God to turn to in the weak times. When we wake up and feel more tired than when we went to bed, we have Him to renew us and speak words of comfort and strength. When the pain is constant and overwhelming, we have Someone Who suffered much pain to bring us to Him. He knows us, our situations, our discomfort and our hopes. He has promised to be with us always. He is near to us. He gives us each morning what we need. His eye is on us, even in the night watches. His hand protects us, even when we feel vulnerable. And when we are done, He will renew us with bodies that never see corruption. This hope will not disappoint us.

God, please bring strength Chris Klicka and his entire family during this time. Heal him, God. We know You are able to do this. Regenerate his body and make him whole so that he can bring You glory. Comfort him. Help him to see what You are doing and how You are using his situation. Be his peace during this time.

Tinkering Under the Hood of my Blog, Part 2

One other effort I've been working on is consolidating my other blog about Disability into my personal blog, WaldensWits. If you subscribe to my feed, you may get barraged with the results, or--I hope--you may just see this post. Anyway, I have stopped posting that separate blog because the title, "Disablogger" was a negative title, as if I was all about the loss of ability. I'm not. I am so much more than my disability!I consolidated the ones I deemed worthwhile and filed them under Living With A Disability and other applicable labels.

So, if you are besieged by posts, I'm sorry. I only expect it this one time. Keep reading, and I'll keep writing.

Tinkering Under the Hood of my Blog

Hey there, folks! Just me doing a little housekeeping at 2 in the morning. I'm doing some blog maintenance. For example, if you need to translate my page, have altavista do it for you if you want to read badly mangled English with no subtext and metaphor. I won't have it as a link on my page, however.

Recommended resources went away as no one buys books they see on blogs, at least not my readers. I'm also shaving down my labels to a small fraction of what I used to have. If you want to find something I don't hightlight there, use the search blank at the top! Yes, Google searches my Wits! To that end, I've revamped the labels into something more consistent with what I write about.

And now, I hope I can go to sleeeeep.

In the Moment

This evening, my 6 year-old daughter had finished her dinner, and, as we watched a video I was watching, I gave her a piece of Hershey's Special Dark chocolate. It's a treat that I like to give on occasion. She began nibbling on the chocolate, enjoying it. I had another piece and I set it down in front of her.

"Is that for me?" she asked.

"For when you're done with the first one, yes." I replied.

Immediately, the first piece disappeared into her mouth as she picked up the second, which she began nibbling as she had the first one. Soon that one was gone too. I wiped the chocolate away from her cheek as we continued watching the video. On the screen, a person in the video was suddenly healed and their appearance changed back to wholeness.

"Someday, I hope God heals me like that," I said.

"Me too," she said. "Sometimes I wish you didn't have to have Fibro-my-algia." Both of our sets of eyes got misty at her words. Fibromyalgia is such a big word for a 6 year-old.

"But there is a good thing," I said. "Because I'm home more, we're poorer, but I also get to see more of you. I get to watch you grow up." We hugged, and like I've done so often, I thanked God for her.

I think I understand why God doesn't show us very much of our future. If he did, it would be like laying down more chocolate in front of us. We wouldn't savor what we had in our hands. So often, we look to the future (or the past) and we don't savor the moment of now. We envision the next bar of chocolate or remember the last. Being in the moment, savoring each one, is what I want to do.

However, in order for me to do that, I have to quit thinking about the future (or the past). I have to trust God to take care of tomorrow and yesterday, the next hour, the next moment, so that I can release them and free my arms to embrace the moment. This is not easy for the schemer or the survivor to do, but it's something that the children of God do naturally. The schemer looks at the future, the survivor lookes at the past. The child of God is living in the moment, worshiping their Creator, loving those around them, and delighting in the goodness with which God blesses us.

I have been through much with this illness. I also hope that God heals me soon. But savoring the moment is what I was made to do.

The 86th Percentile - What Does It Mean?

As a follow-up to my last post, here are the latest figures for standardized performance.

I think it's important to understand what those statistics mean. First, the 50th percentile is always average. It's the peak of the "bell curve," the result of the total of all scores divided by the number of tests taken. If a person's score places in the 51st percentile, it is slightly better than average. Likewise, if the score places in the 49th percentile, it is slightly worse than average. It does not mean that all of the students scored 50%. The 86th percentile means that if you took one homeschooled student's test score at random and compared it with a sample from public schools, the homeschooled test score likely would be better than 86% of the other students.

All it means is that homeschooling students typically perform better than public schooled students when it comes to standardized academic achievement tests. It should weigh into anyone's decision on educating their child, but it cannot and should not be the sole factor in choosing homeschooling. Education should be prepare a child for their future, and unless their future is taking standardized tests with No.2 pencils, this decision takes a little more thought.

Why I Believe Homeschooling Is The Best Way To Educate Our Children

The smell of newly sharpened pencils is starting to appeal to me again. Wal-mart and Target have been pushing Back-To-School for a few weeks now. I guess it's a good time to remind myself and everyone else in the process of why we homeschool. Here is my uncensored, no-bones-about-it view of homeschooling!

I've come to understand homeschooling as a natural extension of parenting. Teaching my son how to count to ten and how to write his name has developed into multiplication and teaching him to type.There's never been a time where I've stopped being his parent. Handing him off to a school--any school--would feel to me like I was abandoning him, leaving it to someone else to raise him for 8 hours of the day. I'd sooner cut off one of my limbs than see that happen. I love my son and I know he loves me with all the love a 10 year-old can have for his dad. I'd never want to see that closeness wane under a time-share agreement with a teacher who has 40 other kids to worry about.

And teachers, God bless them, are amazing! I know quite a few and how hard they work. Most of us are oblivious to how much work they put in to educate children. One friend regularly worked 60 - 70 hours a week, coming home late after dinner, staying up grading papers and then going to work early the next day. There are some like that who take their work so seriously, and then there are some that don't. Unfortunately, not all school systems are able to weed the bad ones out. Some school systems barely function at all, but it's not that they're underfunded. School systems, tied down by the teachers unions, are to blame for the sorry state of American public education. It is time to increase competition, free up parents to have true school choice, and let the free market system work to better children's education across the board. After all, the most damning evidence against the school systems is that these uppity homeschoolers keep on producing these national academic champions without the help of Federal tax dollars.

This was about homeschooling, not what’s wrong with public schools, so… moving on. What really sold me on homeschooling was when I met a 14 year-old homeschooled student named Jake. He looked me in the eye, shook my hand, and related to me like a man, a human being and not the alien life form that public- and private-schooled teens typically take adults to be. He was balanced, respectful, and someone I wouldn’t have minded considering as a son-in-law if the ages of my daughters were more in line. He had a great sense of humor, intelligence and he was already skilled in a profession. You don’t get that from most schools! What’s amazing is that I’ve found that kids like this aren’t all that exceptional in homeschooling circles. They’re downright common! Boy, where do I sign up?

Now, there are homeschooling mistakes and horror stories out there, and usually they start with, “we tried homeschooling but…” Experienced homeschoolers know that there is no single, one-size-fits-most approach. It isn’t even a one-size-fits-one-family, sometimes. The homeschooling failures that I have run across usually have tried a “school-at-home” option with a charter school that requires a specific curriculum and teacher oversight of the parent. In fact, some families even try re-creating a school room at home, complete with flags and chalkboard/whiteboard in the belief that the schoolroom is the only approach. This usually ends with the child frustrated at learning and the parents ready to pull their hair out. It doesn’t have to be that way.

For me, homeschooling has come to symbolize my children as individuals with their own individual learning styles and traits. One child learns by reading, another by exploring and doing, and still another learns by stories and discussion. These methods can be blended to expand and grow our children’s minds.

Homeschooling also goes beyond the three Rs of reading, writing and arithmetic. For example, this morning, our six year old began organizing her marker collection on her own initiative. She saw chaos interfering with her ability to create, and she said in her six year-old voice, “I just need to get organized!” Then, by emulating what she learned from her mother—she certainly didn’t learn it from me!—she began to take steps to bring order to her life. That’s a life skill she can use her entire life, and that is homeschooling, even on a Sunday.

Finally, homeschooling has changed our lifestyle. We are much more integrated as a family as a direct result of our time together. If we have committed to activities, we go together and support each other. If we go on field trips, we learn together. I don’t know how many times we’ve learned something in an experience homeschooling and then called on that experience while confronting a new challenge together. This lifestyle really stands out when I compare it with the alternative. We aren’t spending weeknights pouring over homework, grinding away at a curriculum that a teacher assigned to us. We spend time together as a family or we do other things we enjoy. Neither do we spend time instructing our kids on how to placate schoolyard bullies or how to negotiate the surreal social cliques that seem to exist only in schools. Homeschooling is easier and produces greater rewards, especially when you take these factors into consideration.

Is homeschooling life nothing but roses without thorns? No, there are challenging times too, like this year when we found that a math curriculum wasn’t working for our oldest. Yet, we weren’t locked to that curriculum for the rest of the year as we would have been in a traditional school. Truly, there are moments where we get tired of books. But there again, we have the freedom to take a break and go on vacation for a bit. Even in its shortcomings, homeschooling offers the flexibility that we need to enjoy life together as a family.

My wife and I would never dream of dropping them off at school and trusting others to do our job. Educating our children is a God-given responsibility of the parents. The Bible commands parents,

These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. (Deut 6:6-8 NIV)

We cannot give our children the instruction God commands by putting them in a secular school. We cannot afford a private school that claims to give children a Christian education, and why would we want to? Even if money were the last thing on our minds, homeschooling would still be my first pick.

I couldn’t have picked a better way to raise my family than to educate them at home. We are daily living an adventure and a journey together. We have life together that we could never have by separating for 8 – 10 hours a day. Homeschooling has made our lives richer and God has rewarded us for taking his commands to heart. It's why I believe homeschooling is the best way to educate our children.

Seeking Contentment

I have been extremely blessed by Lisa Notes the last two days. Lisa has listed 5 Reasons To Seek Contentment and 5 More Reasons To Seek Contentment. Contentment is the amazingly simple answer to so many issues that seem to push Christians out of God's will. Please take the time to read them!

Getting Good Advice The First Year Homeschooling

Denver's Newbie Homeschooling Examiner, Melissa Caddell, looks at first year curricula by going trial-and-error the cheap way. She's got some good advice for new moms who might be overwhelmed by the choices and prices.

Speaking Boy

Marsha speaks Boy, and I speak Girl. Parenthood is amazing stuff!

What Was I Saying?

I read this quote today in PluggedInOnline.com's newsletter:

"[Adolescents live in] an institutionalized culture of interruption, where our time and attention is being fragmented by a never-ending stream of phone calls, e-mails, instant messages, text messages and tweets." —Maggie Jackson, author of Distracted: The Erosion of Attention and the Coming Dark Age [usatoday.com, 6/23/09]

I'm not sure what's worse, this news or the dark prediction of her book title.

Working And Battling A Chronic Illness

Keeping your job when you're battling chronic illness is a serious concern. The NY Times has an article with some tips.

Homeschooling in Canon City

Nifty article on a family homeschooling in Canon City, Colorado. The beauty of it all is captured in this quote toward the end,

“It can affect your family. For us, our life before homeschooling was harried,” she said. “We were always rushing here and rushing there. Now, we’re still busy, of course, but we have a lot more quality of life. We’re busy, but we’re not trying to squeeze” in sports, homework and other activities.

Life is not about fitting everything in. It's about doing what's important, and not necessarily what's urgent.

Parents Provide the Patterns For Confronting Grief

This little, somewhat cute video is a reminder to me that kids process losses differently, but they take their cues from their parents. This child lost another fish the week before, so she knows some of the "customs" her father likely introduced, such as saying a few words over the departed. It's really interesting when the child and "mommy" switch places and she helps a somewhat detached parent say a few words over the fish, which are the same as what she said at the start of the video and quite possibly close to what the father likely said the week before.

Patterns and traditions help us process grief in the little losses as well as the big. Losing and grieving are part of life and pets are a way of introducing our kids not only to the responsibilities and emotions of caring for a pet, but also the natural loss and grief that will eventually come. When other, larger losses occur, we fall back on what we were taught by our parents and others around us who shared these small griefs. This can be a blessing, as in this little girl's life, or a curse of following a pattern of denial, avoidance and anger. In that case, it would be better for a person to be thrown into a patternless void where they are forced to find their own way of coping, in the hope of stumbling onto a friend or "life coach" who can help them find their way. Jesus said it this way:

[On the other hand,] if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around his neck.

We can't be perfect, but as parents, we shape the future of our children by how we live our lives, in love and hate, involvement and indifference, attention and neglect, gain and loss, gratitude and grief. Giving them healthy patterns to follow is a gift of love and hope.

GB: Five Steps to Use Twitter as a Pain Log Tool

Guest Blogger Lisa Copen shares this idea about using Twitter

If chronic illness or pain is a part of your life, the odds are that at one point you have been requested by a physician to keep a log about your activities and pain levels, especially what led up to your pain being most intense. He may have suggested that you write down specific activities, your diet and exercise behaviors, and even your patterns of sleep.

If you have attempted to take this on and do it thoroughly, you know that it can be an overwhelming feeling to keep track of all of your activities and still maintain a sense of normal life. He can be extremely helpful, however, to you and your medical team, to have a written record of your activities, diet, etc. to help discover what is it is causing you the greatest pain. Was that extreme flare caused by a minor food allergy, the weather conditions, or that you were up all night with friends?

It is somewhat ironic that while we may find it a burdensome task to record what we are eating, who we are with, how much we slept, and how we are feeling, millions of people are doing this daily on Twitter. They write what they ate for lunch, if they have a migraine, and if they are up at 2 a.m. working. . . and they call it fun!

If you have a chronic illness, Twitter can be an amazing tool to use as a pain diary. This social networking tool has been successfully used to help people maintain logs on their diet, exercise, and even the commitment to stop smoking. Why should we not use it to keep accurate records of our chronic illness and pain levels?

Here are 5 steps to put this into place:

1. Create an account at Twitter just for your chronic pain logs. If you already have a Twitter account, make a new one, and let it remain private. If you look under “settings” you will see the option to make your account private, meaning that you will have to approve any followers before anyone can see your Twitter account. Since this is private medical information, we recommend not approving anyone. If you are already Twittering this can seem a bit strange because you typically want to increase the number of followers.
2. You are now ready to start writing your posts. You cannot write more than 140 characters, however, this keeps it a simple task and not too overwhelming. Feel free to use it in any way necessary, for example, submitting more than one post to describe a special circumstance. You can send posts from your cell phone, not just from the computer, so set up this option in your account to make the most of it.
3. If you don’t know where to start, begin by posting about any major events or behaviors that are not part of your typical day, and how your body responded to them. For example, if you awake feeling horrible, ask yourself has the weather change significantly? Twitter the weather. Are you taking the same amount of medication as you typically do? Were you active or solitary yesterday? Post whatever information may be valuable to you and your medical team at any right in your treatment.
4. Before you go to a doctor’s appointment, log on to your Twitter account and print out the posts if your doctor would like acopy. Highlight any major changes in your patterns of pain.
5. If you already use twitter for personal or business reasons, consider using a service that will post to more than one account at a time so that you are regular tweets that share where you are and what you are doing can also post to your twitter chronic pain log without any additional effort.

The market for Twitter applications will continue to grow and there is no doubt that’s those considering medical Web 2.0 tools will come up with some fancy (and complicated) ways to record your pain levels. But for now you can have a thorough log of your chronic illness and pain levels in just minutes at no cost. You can’t beat that!

Lisa Copen is the founder of Invisible Illness Awareness Week held annually in Sept and featuring a free 5-day virtual conference w/ 20 seminars w/ 20 speakers. Follow II Week on Twitter for prizes and info. Blog about invisible illness on your site, be a featured guest blogger, meet others, read articles and lots more. Make a difference!

Heart Surgery And Healing Wounds

I have been laid off as of the first of this month and for the last few days, I've been doing some real soul searching. My wife usually lets me process stuff like this on my own, but by yesterday, it appeared that I was stuck. And I was stuck. What's worse, the enemy was taking pot shots at me and my heart. That's the worst, because recovering your heart is nearly impossible in those situations.

Being stuck is no fun. You don't have an answer and the longer you go, the uglier it gets. At issue was my role as a provider. For so long, my love as a father and husband has been expressed in that. Since my disability, it's been difficult, no... next to impossible to find ways to do this. It's not like I have the option to grind my way through 40 hours a week. I tried that and my body gives out on me. I need more than just the weekend to recover and employers don't like paying you a 40 hours-a-week salary for less than 40 hours of work, sometimes a lot less than 40 hours.

This fatherly need to provide for my family doesn't diminish even though my ability to do so has diminished. I can't stop providing for my family because I have this inner drive to do so that is as real as a mother's need to nurture and care for the daily needs of her children. It's real and I can't stop it from deeply affecting me when it is denied or squelched in some way.

My wife and I finally connected yesterday, which was overdue, way overdue. It's amazing how much of life's activities two people can share without talking about what really matters. The ingredients are two people and a quiet room, and we had the two people, but the quiet room took a while to get. When we did, we undid the lies the enemy had been slinging at me like drinks at a bar. It essentially came down to who my hope was in. My hope could not be in myself or my abilities. My hope couldn't be in a system that man created. My hope had to be in God and His plan for me. That's the "head" part; like I said before, the heart was much more involved and God took me and gently worked on me yesterday. The cynicism, the darkness, the anger built up out of frustration, and the poison malaise of indifference all had to go. I was getting hung up on the meaninglessness in life (Ecclesiastes, anyone?), and that's something only God can fix. He welcomed me into His arms and He held me while He worked on my heart. His love and grace for me through Jesus knows no bounds!

Today, I feel empty, but it's a good empty, like a blank sheet of paper ready to be filled up with drawings, musings, or folded into a wonderful paper airplane that soars across the room. I don't know what's next. I know my desire to provide is a good one and it has to be accommodated somehow. I know that I love to write, communicating God's love and spiritual truth. Beyond that, I'm ready for God to use me. My prayer is that He lets me do what I enjoy. Please pray for vision and clarity for me, if you think of it.

Successful Fatherhood Is Not What You Think

I'm getting ready for CHEC for the next three days, but before I get so motivated my socks pop off, I want to nail something down first.

Todd Wilson is a wonderful dad and support to homeschoolers everywhere. I've pushed him on this blog many times. Today he sent out a Familyman e-mail to his list. A key portion says,

As I talked with [a group of dads] about their teenagers who were giving them fits, their wives who didn’t seem to think like them, and the deceptively deadly pull of success that beckons to them everyday, I saw tiredness in their eyes and heard emotion in their voices.

I listened to them and nodded in understanding until they finished. Then in a gentle but firm voice I said, “Man, I know exactly how you feel, but...you ‘da dad. You may feel like giving up, but your family is counting on you. You can’t give up on them. Get back in there, because although they may say harsh things...they still need you.”

They sighed, stiffened their chins in determination, and nodded in agreement. “You’re right, Todd,” they said. “Thanks for the reminder.” And then they walked away, ready to give it another shot.

Normally, I can't shut up about how good Todd is, but this time, I think he's missed the mark.

While Christ helps us be better fathers, the goal of Christianity is not to be the best parent in the world. We can't soldier on endlessly like thirsty men looking for an oasis. There comes a time when you can't take that next step, when you can't be the father you are called to be. What happens then?

The old saying goes, "God never gives us more than we can handle." I've even said it, like recently. But it's wrong! If it were true, how would we ever turn to God for help? He should--and does--give us more than we can handle. We need to find the end of ourselves so that God can be our ultimate source. We need the oasis to come to us, to offer us hope and aid in our fight. God must be that source. Our wives and families can't provide what we need. Our other relationships can't help either. The one place we can go is the one place we must go. We have a spirit of sonsWhile Christ helps us be better fathers, the goal of Christianity is not to be the best parent in the world. We can't soldier on endlessly like thirsty men looking for an oasis. There comes a time when you can't take that next step, when you can't be the father you are called to be. What happens then?hip by which we cry "Abba! Father! Daddy!"

How much of American Christianity is infused with the Invictus Success Syndrome? It's the version of Christianity that shows up in 30-minute, pyramid-shaped infomercials on some cable channel late at night. It's the one where you try harder and pursue success as an American dad. You are the captain of the ship and if you're exhausted and not successful, you're doing something wrong. I'm sorry, Todd, but how many men left that meeting nodding their heads at the failures they feel they've become?

Why not let God define what a successful father looks like? Instead of soldiering on, we should surrender all to His vision for us. Instead of getting back in there, we need to get back to Abba and let Him love us so that we can love them. By reaching out to the Father, we find that He is there supporting us, giving us what we need, so we can give them what they need. When we are confronted by the things we can't control, like the hearts and minds of our children, we need to know that God's grace is sufficient for us, because His power is made perfect in our weakness.

Peace A Casualty Of Conscience

One of my peers once said that there is no creature on the planet that is more miserable, angry, or disconsolate than a Christian who has violated their conscience. I can't help but agree. All day long, I've been agitated, upset and inconsolable. Nothing has brought me the peace I normally have. Why? What did I do?

I borrowed a game.

That's right. Horror of horrors, I asked a friend if I could borrow a game, he agreed, and I took it home last night. The game is a spoof on adventure games and it's hilarious, but it's also full of raunch, double-meanings, and dark humor.

Only last week, I felt the Holy Spirit rebuke me for indulging the darker side of my humor, which is two steps removed from cynicism, anarchy and despair. It's the kind of humor that surfaces in the joke that goes, "When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers." Dark humor is like pepper or spice. A little bit adds flavor and dimension to life. Any more of it overpowers everything it touches.

The double-meanings and the raunchy stuff adds fuel to the fire. I try to ignore the stuff and just move on with the game, but that's like trying to ignore a big, flashing neon sign. I'm not fooling anyone but myself if I play the game and think it can't touch me. The worst part is trying to hide it from my son. If I'm keeping secrets like that from anyone in my family, something's wrong. Worse, young eyes see and hear more than we realize. Nope, that game's going back to it's owner and my son is getting an apology from me. I'm trusting he will learn not just from my successes, but also my failures.

Already, my peace is returning.

Freedom To Homeschool Listed As Factor In Survey Of Freedoms

Folks who know me know that I love my home state of Colorado. I love its flag, its history, and its geography. More importantly, I love the freedom we have to homeschool our kids, which showed up in a university's survey of freedoms, going state by state. According to this article from the Grand Junction Sentinel, Colorado is "in a virtual tie with New Hampshire and South Dakota to be the most free state in the union." Not to do too much patting on the back here, but that's one thing I am very proud of. It's also one thing we have to guard very closely. The defense of freedom starts with words in print and words in speech and eventually ends with words in action.

Freedom Of Speech Isn't The Issue In T.V. Feud

Family Guy and Two and a Half Men are two of the funniest shows on television. I've seen them and they are hilarious, but I can also state that they're also two of the raunchiest. So when the Parents Television Council notices and takes action, why are they surprised, let alone offended?

Yet offended they are, and they've fired their own shots in return. The problem is that they don't stick. Funny or no, I don't let Family Guy or 2.5 Men in the house. There's a difference between being funny and being good funny. Good funny is being funny without resorting to titilating and embarrasing their viewers. There are plenty of funny shows, but there aren't nearly enough good funny shows.

For movie reviews that help you make a choice, my pick has to be PluggedInOnline.com.

Questions Asked By Tourists Visiting Colorado

I love living in Colorado. It is a wonderful state to live in. Vacationing is easy. Just pull into your own driveway, take the phone off the hook, put up a tent in the yard and technically, you're camping. Seriously, though, we have trouble taking a vacation to a place that's too close by. Driving thirty minutes to camp or stay in a hotel feels a little weird. So, folks in Denver like to think they'll retire to Colorado Springs. Colorado Springs folks think about retiring to Buena Vista or Leadville. I'm not sure where the folks from Leadville will retire to, but with the winters up there, I bet it will be someplace warmer or even tropical.

In honor of the start of summer break and the commencing of vacations, I thought I'd put up a list of things tourists have said while visiting Colorado or that people have asked Coloradoans when they defy reason and leave the state.

1. What time of year/At what altiitude do the deer turn into elk?
2. Where do you put the moguls in the summer?
3. You don't ski? I thought everyone in Colorado skied! (also applies to wearing cowboy hats)
4. Y'all got paved roads in Colorado? (not yet, but Woodrow Wilson mentioned we'd get some soon)
5. Do you own a horse?
6. Do you ski to school? (also applies to sled dogs)
7. Where do Rocky Mountain Oysters come from? Is there a lot of water in Colorado?
   
8. Do you need oxygen tanks to live there?
   
9. You live in an igloo right? (Bonus: How do you walk around your house without slipping?)
   
10. So what's South Park like? (Tell them Casa Bonita is real and they won't believe you.)
11. Why don't trees grow on top of your mountains?

The photo at right is from the top of Mt. Evans west of Denver. It's a bit of a read, but the details are riveting, especially when you count the screws used to mount the sign. There's a reason they did that.

For those who want to look more like a local or who really want to know what the answers are, I've put them down below.

1. Deer and elk look similar, with antlers, snouts and four hooves, but trust me, they are two very different species. Elk tastes better, in my opinion.
2. Moguls are turned inside out, shaken hard, and put on a plane from Aspen back to L.A. ...Wait, that's movie moguls. Ski moguls are mounds of snow that are created by skiers as they carve down the slopes.
3. Although I haven't seen a survey of state residents and skiing, I'll speculate that a surprising percentage of residents do not ski, and fewer still are those who have skied in the last three years. There are a lot of reasons for this, but lift tickets are horribly expensive, I-70 is terribly crowded, and we keep thinking we'll go next year.
4. Duh. These are likely the same people that ask if we ride horses everywhere or if we still fight Indians, both of which questions showed up on a "dumb questions" page online as legitimate, documentable inquiries.
5. See explanation 4 above. No, we do not, although it's practically required for someone to live in Golden. Do I have a cowboy hat and boots? Ain't tellin'.
   
6. See explanation 3 above. Skiing to school is not practical unless you live at the top of a mountain, and then you've got other problems, like lightning, wind, and a dog that refuses to go outside in either, remembering that the last time it did, it nearly died. If you tried to ski to school (without the aid of a snowmobile or truck known as skijoring), you'd have to cross-country ski, and then we'd accuse you of losing your mind.
7. No, there is not a lot of water in Colorado, which is why we have lawyers who litigate exclusively over water rights. The lack of an ocean and the lack of a local delicacy prompted a joke that's groin--er, grown into a novelty dish. I will not mention the ingredients, but you can read more about Rocky Mountain oysters here.
8. Contrary to all the press our altitude receives, people from below 2,000 feet ASL who take it easy the first 24 hours or so can acclimate fairly well if they drink plenty of water. People who don't are soon usually flat on their backs complaining about the lack of oxygen. That's when we bring them a tank and tell them not to drink alcohol while they're here. We breathe just like they do, only better.
9. Another Duh. Although, we have winter festivals with snow carving and such. How do we keep from slipping? Seal skin.
10. South Park is a big, empty broad expanse of Kansas that we imported to break up the monotony of all those mountains. There is no town called South Park, unless you count Fairplay's effort to capitalize on the show's popularity. It is brown (or white) and mostly treeless. Antelope do play, but mostly they just stand around, gawking at the tourists.
11. Above 11,200 feet or so, trees do not grow in Colorado. This is called timberline. It is too cold, snowy, dry and dark for trees to grow above that threshold. Alpine tundra is beautiful and has small wildflowers that manage to thrive in that climate, including my favorite, the Columbine.

Like I said, I love Colorado. I plan to live here the rest of my life. I've seen nearly everything in the state, so if you're coming to Colorado, give me a shout and I'll pass along what I know.

Things Bitter Homeschoolers Would Like To Say

These are the things a lot of homeschooling parents would like to tell non-homeschoolers if social conventions and basic human kindness went out the window. Here's #13  (my favorite):

13. Stop assuming that because the word "home" is right there in "homeschool," we never leave the house. We're the ones who go to the amusement parks, museums, and zoos in the middle of the week and in the off-season and laugh at you because you have to go on weekends and holidays when it's crowded and icky.

The rest are pretty good, mostly because they hit close to the mark. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Familyman: Leaving Texas

I love Todd Wilson's latest post to his FamilyMan list. He makes a good point.

Hey Dad,

Hope this doesn’t offend any of my fellow dads in Texas, but we were all glad to leave the Lone Star State. I’m thinking we had a little too much unplanned time there…or maybe it was the way those Texans drive! Not only do they drive on the shoulder of the road…and are OK with that, but they have some mighty mixed up on and off ramps in their cities.

I’m sure we were almost killed at least a couple of times. Poor Gloria (the voice on our GPS) never talked so fast, “Get in the right lane…bear left, no I mean right…not that right lane, the other right lane…watch out for that oncoming car…Ahgggg!!! Can someone please unplug me?”

Whew! I’m getting worked up just writing about it.

Anyway, the kids and the RV are doing great, but all the time in the RV tends to put a strain on our marriage. In fact, I’m thinking about writing a book entitled “The Familyman’s RV Marriage Guide for Men.” I’m not sure of all the details, but I’ve been thinking about at least one chapter entitled, “The longer you wait to fix things, the harder they are to fix.”

Not only does it apply to RV problems like leaky toilets, tail light issues, and smoking motors, but it also applies to marriages…especially mine. You see the problem is that I’m a glass half-full kind of guy. I like to assume that things will get better on their own if I ignore them. Problem is…they don’t, especially when it applies to marriages…especially mine.

So, when I can tell that my wife is out of sorts, I kind of like to think that all she needs is a good night’s sleep. So, I plop into bed and go to sleep instead of dealing with it. Next morning, I wake to find that my wife is not over “it”. Instead, she’s a little MORE out of sorts. A few ‘sleeps’ later, and I’ve got marriage issues.

I’m just so stupid. When will I learn that if I take the time to address the problem when it’s first detected, it would make life a whole lot better for all of us? Because the truth is: the longer I wait to fix things, the harder they are to fix.

So, Dad, if you’re like me and have some “things” to fix, you better get at it.

You ‘da…Mr. Fix-it,
Todd Wilson

Thanks, Todd. Point taken.

Over Sanitization

With all the fuss over influenza, it seems that hand sanitizer, paper masks and the like have been in higher demand. In this germ-conscious society, is there even such a thing as "over sanitized?"

Yes, if you listen to Brenda Freeman, CMO of Turner Animation, Young Adults and Kids Media division. She's the brilliant executive over Cartoon Network who used the exact term describing Cartoon Network's former line-up. She said,

"We are casting a wider net to open us up to new partnerships and new audiences, we want to become a dominant youth culture brand, ... We are going to break out of the over sanitized kids environment, and that's ok."

This is the kind of executive and this is the kind of decision that I *dream* of removing from the board room and putting in a real-life environment, in this case, a food court. I would pick up a meal from each food stand, place it on the table and invite Ms. Freeman to a free lunch. I would tell her that she was free to choose whatever she was in the mood for, but that one of the meals might be contaminated because one of the chefs--I forget which one--wasn't feeling well. Since she feels things can be over sanitized, I'm sure she wouldn't mind taking the risk. Especially if she's hungry for market share.

What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father's glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what he has done. - Jesus

HT: Plugged In Online.com

A Letter To A Disabled Dad

Dear Dad,

I know things may not have gone your way today. You might not have even gotten out of bed. You may not have had any choice in the matter. Let me tell you that you matter anyway.

You may not have gone out to toss the ball with your son, or trim the lawn, or paint the shed that seems to weather in front of your eyes. Your honey-do list may be stale-dated, but your impact is as vital as the food on the table. You may not be able to provide any of the things you think your kids want, but their greatest wish is to see you better.

Dad, if you weren't there, who would your kids look to? You may see all the things you're not doing, but you don't see half of the things you really do! Your words, your thoughts about your kids mean the world to them. The same thoughts you may have had as a little boy are the ones they have of you. "I want my dad to be proud of me." "His approval means everything to me."

You see your weakness in your body. Instead, your kids see your strength in the face of a body that fails you. This is the strength they will look for inside themselves when they see their own failings in a world of challenges.

You feel like a burden to all you love and hold dear. They see you as someone they would carry on their shoulders across the face of the earth if you asked them to. It isn't the size of the burden, it's the size of the love that carries it that brings out the beauty in life.

Even when they fail you, even when you fail them, even when the words fly like weapons and the anger sears your heart, you matter. You see, it isn't that you're disabled. It's that you're there. You're there with the forgiveness, the love, the trust, the compassion, the patience and the wisdom God has given you. You matter because you're their dad. You're there, and no one can replace you. Maybe someone can be more eloquent, talented or able-bodied, but no one replaces you or your role in their lives.

Be the best dad by being there in the good and the bad. Everything else, we can work on.

Sincerely,

Another Disabled Dad

Early Christian Comics Shaped My Beliefs

When I was a boy, I didn't read all that much because I had a visual disorder that kept my eyes from working together on the same words. As a result, I'd have to use the vision from one eye to read and subconsciously discard the vision from the other eye. Mentally, it was a stress point in my absorption and retention of information. This resulted in frustration and bad grades, especially under teachers that worked "visually," assigning independent reading, working a lot on the chalkboard, and so on. 

I loved to read what I could concentrate on, however, and comic books (no joke) were very compatible with my visual disorder. The pictures were large enough that I could go frame by frame and retain a lot more. The problem was that my parents didn't go in for comics all that much and it would be a few more years before my visual disorder would be discovered and remedied. The one place I could get comic books of any sort was the Christian bookstores my mother shopped. 

Enter Spire Christian Comics. I started with Barney Bear and then Archie and later still the adventure and biographical comics. They were benign with faith-based themes that were clearly intended for a churched, Christian audience. I still remember many of them, but I didn't realize their effects on my understanding of God until very recently.

At the risk of going on a bit of a bunny trail, I'll fill you in. I was talking with my daughter about how we can still trust God, even if it means that we would die. She had brought up Savannah and her parents, saying that their faith in God didn't protect her from death. I worked to help her understand that the question lacked eternal perspective. Life here on this planet is deceptively real. Because this world is all that we remember, we think that this life is all there is to reality, even though the Bible and even our own experiences lead us to conclude otherwise. The true foundation of reality is found in the eternal. Even Plato's cave alludes to the unseen perfection. Finally, I showed her 1 Corinthians 13, where Paul writes,

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

We were reading that together and I casually mentioned that faith, hope and love were based on time. Faith is based on things in the past. Hope is based on the future. Love is based on the present. She asked me if I came up with that myself and I did a little mental sleuthing to figure out where I caught that bit of insight. The answer: Al Hartley in one of his Archie comics! 

The longer I parent, the more it's driven home that we are shaped so much in the first 15 years or so in life. We carry forward the worldview and beliefs that we learn from childhood. This is why my family and I view homeschool as critical to our children's future.

A fellow Spire Comics collector has made some Adobe scans of his comics, long since out of print. Sadly, there are no Barney Bear scans. Maybe I still have my "Barney Bear Wakes Up!" deep in a moving box. I'll see if I can find it.

Learning Through Suffering

As a follow-up to the last post, the same folks who put on the Christians with Chronic Illness carnival also put together a Yahoo Group called Chronic Illness/Pain Devotional. The host of the group put out an amazing post on the benefits of suffering. In it, she says,

Suffering teaches us:

1. the value of full surrender to God (1 Peter 4:1-2)

2. the value of patience (1 Peter 2:20) 

3. the value of obedience (Philippians 2:8-11)

4. the value of prayer (Philippians 4:6-7)

5. the value of studying the Scriptures (Psalm 119:67,71). 

6. contentment (Philippians 4:11-12)

7. sympathy for others (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

8. it produces the fruit of righteousness in our lives (John 15:2)

9. probably the greatest benefit to suffering in the life of the

believer is that it produces a deeper intimacy with God

This is perhaps the best "short list" of what we learn through our suffering that I've seen. I connected the scripture references, not necessarily because they are logical supports to the point, but because by connecting the points with the scriptures, I better understand how suffering relates to those scriptures.

Christians With Chronic Illness

Pay a visit to the Christians With Chronic Illness Carnival. It's their first-ever carnival and their theme is "Surprise!"

A Son Comes Home

When I regularly watched nighttime TV--I can't stand most shows now--I remember enjoying a laugh or two and then getting blindsided by a slam on Christianity or God. As a sincere follower of Jesus, those potshots usually hit a little close to home and left me thinking, "The writers just don't get it."

Fast-forward your DVRs to today where one of those writers finds himself among those he used to malign. Joe Eszterhas finally "gets it." He writes,

I am witness to and the beneficiary of God's love for all of us. ... I am witness, too, to the fact that His love is so strong that it was even able to open my rusty old closed heart. I will thank Him forever because He gave me new life and a heart which is truly able to love for the first time in my life. His love is mine.

A "cocaine cowboy" comes home and finds that God not only left the light on for him, but He ran across the north 40 to grab him up in His arms. Do we sit back like the other son, saying, "Great. Woo-hoo. Just wonderful," or do we join with God, rejoicing over Joe's life won back from death and hell?

God's love reaches beyond those rusted doors, behind the graffiti-scrawled walls, down into the lowest places we dare conceive our hearts can sink to. It reaches out, breaking through those defenses and reaching the heart of the most desperate with hope, the most abandoned with security, and the most broken with healing. His love does that. It takes the used up, the abused, the disfigured, the maligned and the humble and lifts them up, bringing glory to Himself. "The LORD has done this, and it is marvelous in our eyes."

Stem Cells: The Source Matters

Like Michael J. Fox, who suffers from Parkinsons, I also have been hoping that stem cell research will yield new hope in finding cures for chronic diseases, including my own. Unlike him, however, I have steadfastly opposed using embryonic stem cells, the cells obtained from destroying living human embryos. President Obama recinded Bush's ban on Federal funding of the research, proving to me that he could care less about destroying human life in the name of research.

Fox is on a book tour, but on his stop at Oprah, Dr. Oz offered some great news that would surprise this "optimist" of embryonic stem cell research.



Thanks to Dr. Oz for clearing the air on this. Hopefully, more people will open their eyes to the benefits of adult stem cell research.

Prayer Needed

Folks, I need to request prayer. Tuesday night, I came down with a stomach virus that has tripped every Fibromyalgia 'hard point" in my body. Normally, I deal with one or two or three. This is all of them at once (12!), and I can safely say that I have never felt worse. It has not let up, except for the nausea, which mercifully ended today about noon.

Please pray for me to recover. Thank you.

A New Favorite Added To My Collection

I know that this is a bit of a break, but I need to post about my latest favorite movie. It isn't Spartacus. It isn't Gladiator. It isn't even Braveheart, although I love that one. No, it's... Wall-E. I can hear the "What?!" from here. Yes, Wall-E. Why would I pick this movie? I guess it's because it's a great film and I can deeply relate to it.

Wall-E is someone who soldiers on in an incredible task, even when the work couldn't possibly be done by him. Perhaps he goes by faith that it will all be worth it, or maybe he just finds pleasure in doing a job. I understand both. He replaces his worn out parts, much like I want to, in order to keep going. He finds comfort in the little idiosyncrasies and odd little interests in life.

Then, the woman of his dreams shows up, and he's smitten. I'm still smitten, even after 16 years. He lets her into his life and he loves her, taking risks for her, even if there's no gain for him, although I've found the opposite. Later, he finds more purpose in her "Directive" than he even finds in his own survival. He values Ev-ah's mission that ultimately gives people a glimpse of what life can be (the plant). Like the captain says, "I don't want to survive. I want to live!" I want people to find life in Christ, and that is worth facing my own demise.

That and flying through space with a fire extinguisher looks pretty cool too.

I may be looking at an ocean when the world sees a pond, but I get a lot out of this kids movie because I'm still a kid in so many ways.

A Father's Words To His Son

Yesterday evening, I made a mistake. I flat out sinned. I let my anger about my disability boil over and I yelled at my 10 year-old son, who didn't feel like helping out with an extra chore before bed. Whatever he did, he did not deserve the angry words that I let out of my mouth. The moment they were out, I wanted them back. Watching my brave boy fighting the tears, my anger crumbled and I could see that I had just wounded my son's heart. Anything else quickly faded away as I realized that I must immediately reverse course and begin to rebuild my connection to my son.

I reached out by saying, "Oh son, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that." That was a beginning, but he needed much more. "What I said was wrong. That's not my heart towards you! I love you and I treasure you!" I said. Addressing the spiritual component, I prayed in repentance, "God, please forgive me for hurting your son," --he and I are both kid brothers of Jesus Christ-- "and for wounding his heart. Please bring healing and help me not to do that again." Hot tears flowed and slowly we were on the mend.

This is all to say that I am another human failing and in need of a "Successor," and that any wisdom I've shown is God working through me, not me being some kind of an uber-dad. The above also tempers the following, which is an open letter to my son that I read to him about a week ago. Dads, please feel free to take this letter as a basis for your own to pass on to your sons and daughters.*

Dear [son],

Every day of my time with you, I have tried to live my life as an example of the man I hope you will be someday. While one letter won’t make a huge difference in this, I hope it does pass on some of the stuff I might have missed saying to you, some of the things we just don’t talk about from day to day. In this letter, I hope to go over the things I’ve learned through experience, and maybe some of the stuff I knew but didn’t fully realize how important that stuff really was.

For example, I didn’t realize that a person’s life is shaped by the little choices they make every day as much as it is by the big decisions like what you will do for a career, where you will live, and so on. The little choices that you make, the mundane and overlooked ones, such as what you’ll have for lunch today, what you’ll buy, or how you treat your friend, will have a cumulative effect, one so powerful that it can limit or even eliminate your options in a big decision you want to make.

Speaking of big decisions, there is none greater than who you will marry. You can be successful in every other area of your life, and it can all be poisoned by a difficult marriage. How will you know who to marry? We will go over a lot of that together in the next few years, as well as making you ready for your future wife. However, I know of one test that will help you know for sure if she is the one. The people who know you best, the people who can be honest, will know if she is the one for you. These people will have known you for several years and they will need to get to know her. Trust their advice! On the other hand, if you don’t have any of these people in your life, maybe you are too detached to be thinking about getting married. If that’s the case, it’s better to slow things down, put down some roots, and start rebuilding friendships you can rely on.

I’ve told you often that relationships are what life is all about. If your relationships are good, then everything else in your life can go wrong, and you will still be okay. Having the right people on your team truly is make-or-break. Here are some good qualities to find in friends: wisdom, honesty, loyalty, godliness, graciousness, patience, and compassion. A lot of these are found in 1 Corinthians 13. If God blesses you, you may have maybe three or four friends over your lifetime that embody all of these traits. Hold onto them! If you’re having trouble finding friends like this, make sure you are already showing these traits in your own life. Be a friend to gain a friend. It’s true that “birds of a feather flock together,” and people will be naturally attracted to others with the same traits.

Be careful about friendships with the opposite sex. I am not saying that you shouldn’t have them, but I am saying they require extra care. What may exist in your mind as a perfectly legitimate friendship may be entirely different on her side. Do not be careless with other people’s hearts.

Perhaps the biggest risk I have taken in raising you is that I have intentionally avoided things which might have scarred or put blisters and calluses on your heart. Because of that, I have some specific advice for you. The world runs on rules that, even if we don’t live by them, we have to be mindful of. The first of which is that the material world in which we live functions on money. Everything you see, hear, taste, smell, or feel, everything is related to money. The ground you walk on, the air you breathe, and the food you eat are all for sale. And, they can all be purchased by someone other than you. Everything material has a price tag. Despite all of this, do not let the material things replace the immaterial things, such as love, respect and the human heart.

On your birthday, I was the first to hold you besides the doctors and nurses. I consider that a great honor. When you hold your own child, you will become a father, and there is something mystical, wonderful and miraculous that goes on in your heart that day. It switches from “my wife and I,” to “we.” Your fatherly instincts kick in, and you know you would move heaven and earth if they were in the way of your little child. A father will do anything he can to preserve his child from harm. This instinct is something you must experience to fully understand.

Remember that this world is broken. It was broken more than 5000 years ago. It will still be broken when we die. The only thing that will change all that is the “in the flesh” return of Jesus Christ. Only God can repair all the damage that sin has done to this world. When He does, the only things that we will have left are the relationships around us. The Kingdom of Heaven is all about relationships. Live in that reality!

Son, there will likely be other letters, other times when we will talk, just like we did recently. I want to give you these tools and tricks of the trade of Fatherhood, just like I would hand you my tool box someday and let you go out into the world. Put these things in your own children’s toolboxes, and you could be as happy and content as I am today.

Finally, Son, if it’s not apparent by now, I want you to know that I truly love you as my son. There is nothing you can do to change that fact, and I promise I will continue to love you as long as I live and for eternity. You are my son, and I couldn’t be prouder of you.

Sincerely,

Your Dad

There it is. That's my open letter. I promised it over a month ago and yes! I actually delivered! Thanks, God.

This post is incredibly long, but let me close out with this. If there are any fathers (or sons) who want prayer for their relationship to be healed or restored, please leave a comment. I know that there are others with me on this blog who would be willing to pray for you.












*Please note that this offer does not release rights to the letter, in whole or in part, for any other kind of redistribution including publication. All copyrights still apply.