Todd: Jobs; Around the House, the Heart Is Where Dads Do the Real Work

I have long followed Todd Wilson, a homeschooling father like me, who goes across the country speaking to other homeschooling dads and moms, unlike me. If I had boundless energy and established donors and speaking contacts, I still wouldn't have the God-given anointing to do what he does to bring homeschooling families the encouragement he does.

Todd's transparency, his willingness to admit his failures to live up to his own ideals, places him in a unique class of legitimacy and sincerity. His tag line, "You da dad!" means simply that each father occupies an irreplaceable role in the lives of his children and that each of us are called to step up and fill the role. It doesn't shift with the changing nature of relationships and the sense of impermanence that pervades today's society. We are the ones who shape the next generation into what they will be, by our presence or, regrettably, by our absence. Our children need things--irreplaceable things--from us as dads that they will never get from their moms or from anyone else in their lives; our approval and our blessing, to name two.

Did I get all this by listening to Todd? Maybe. Or it could be that he simply confirmed what I've known in my heart all along. Regardless, I've grown under his leadership and direction as he teaches by his own life and experiences, which enables his sometimes brutal honesty to cut through all the malarchy and flotsam of being a parent and a person in ministry, two roles I can appreciate more than most.

His latest dispatch from the trenches was about the passing of Steve Jobs, one of the most visionary leaders of technology the world has seen in the past 200 years, perhaps since creation. No, I'm not putting you on, and yes, I'm a PC person. I haven't supported Apple since the Apple IIc in 1985. Yet, even the most hardened PC proponent must recognize Jobs' role in making the technological world what it is today. Nonetheless, Jobs' accomplishments didn't really matter in the big scheme of things. Nor did Newton's or Edison's or anyone else's. They were all human, they died, and what really mattered was who they loved and who loved them. That's true greatness. Todd gives hints of this in his latest update.

Hey Dad,

I hope you’re doing great, but I’m feeling a little somber. It started last night as we were gathered in the familyroom to watch one of the original Anne of Green Gables movies. My oldest son Ben (18) walked into the room and announced, “Steve Jobs just died.”

I imagine it was a little like that evening in the 60’s when they announced that Walt Disney died, especially for a technology kid. Ben is also a techno-kid, so for the last 2-3 years he’s kept us abreast on all the latest Apple inventions and upgrades, Apple stock, and the news that just a few weeks ago Apple passed Exxon as the most valuable company in the world.

Today, the tech-world is eulogizing him…recounting his story, his unique personality, and the gizmos he invented that have helped shape the modern world.

To tell you the truth, I can’t stop thinking that all he worked for, sacrificed for, and cared about…didn’t really matter. Don’t get me wrong. I think all the iGadgets are cool, but I would just about bet that he wasn’t thinking about iGadgets during his last few moments.

In fact, his name will soon fade (my little kids didn’t know Walt Disney was a real person), and someone else will control the iUniverse.

The truth is that some things matter and some things don’t…iThings don’t matter but iDads and iHusbands DO.

So, Dad, go love your wife and children…and change the world!

You ‘da iDad!

There's little to say after all that, except that, the further I go in living with my disabilities, I'm realizing that my role as a husband and a father has so much less to do with my abilities than it does with my heart and my will. I could never lift a finger again and yet be a successful father. Though I can't walk out my love for them by providing for them and working with them on things, I can love them with my heart, my eyes, my words, and my care of their hearts. I will not always have them in my home as I do now, but being a father, as my own father is showing me, never goes away. I will live forever, and I will love forever as well.

Much peace,

Air Chamber Versus Foam Mattress

I have sleep issues, this we know. An article at HopeKeepers asked which alternative bed (air chamber-sleep number versus foam) would be best for people who are chronically ill. Here are the comments I posted ...

I have had both an air chamber bed and a foam bed. Both of mine failed for the reasons specified (leaks and shape, respectively). It can be a real bummer when you've invested so much into both. The foam mattress reeked of chemicals for a few weeks, which was horrible for my Fibromyalgia sensitized-nose!

I have arthritis in my upper and lower back. The air chamber bed had interlaced chambers so that it didn't create the "hammock" effect on my back. This was the best support for my lower back and I did not "toss and turn" all night with Fibro pressure points like I do with my foam bed. I miss my air chamber, especially because it also used a memory foam pad on top. Nonetheless, the problem remains that there's no way to patch them well enough to keep them inflated, and the warranty from a company that no longer exists isn't worth much anymore, anyway.

I am waiting for technology to catch up with my needs on this. Springs and water are too hard. Air is to leaky. Foam is too "even" and un-adjustable. Maybe a floatation tank? (in my dreams!)

I'll let you know if I have any other thoughts, but I need to work on my other posts. I have many posts for WW that I've begun, but few have made it to the publish-able point. Ah, the life of a writer with chronic fatigue!

From Training A Child To Training A Young Man

We interrupt our regularly scheduled blogging for a very important letter from a father to his son. 

 Dear Son,

This letter is reaching you in April on your birthday, but I started it in January. Something this big is going to take planning and I need to get all the head start I can. I'll get to that in a moment.

You're 12 today. Yea! A solid dozen years of life is now under your belt, and that's terrific! Things haven't been easy for you all the time. You've stuck to your chores, and as you've gotten bigger and more capable, we've given you new ones. However, it's not just that you've grown more capable. You've grown more responsible as well. You don't shirk from doing the job you've been assigned.

You've learned the physical and demanding game of football, so much so that I respect your abilities and your talents. If you continue to practice, work hard, and stay true to your desire, you could certainly play high school in a few years, and from there, there's only One Who knows how far you can go.

Because of these changes and because you are my son, we're going to be training you in things that men are expected to be able to handle. I will teach you all I know about plumbing, household maintenance, car care, and more. I'll train you in driving. I will help you begin to think defensively and how to guard yourself and your loved ones to protect them as best you can.

I will be giving you scriptures to memorize so that you have His Word hidden in your heart. I know from experience that there will be times in your life where you are glad you committed the Scriptures to memory, times where having a Bible is too impractical but where you can bring up out of the storehouse of your heart the solid, insightful truth as you are led by the Holy Spirit. That is the true use of the Sword of the Spirit.

I will be praying with you, teaching you how to meditate, and how to cultivate an active prayer life. I've already worked with you on hearing the Spirit. My hope is that we can improve on this with time and patience.

We will consider all of this part of your homeschooling, but more importantly, I pray that in the end, you will consider this the most valuable part of your early education. I say early education because, really, you never stop learning. But if you start good, if you have a clean, stable foundation, whatever you place on top of it will be in good shape.

Son, I love you. I know you are getting older and I am racing to fill your mind and heart with what you need when you leave. I pray I give you everything God wants me to give you. If I do, I know I will have done as good a job as I can. In the end, I want to hear "Well done! You are good and faithful. Enter into your Father's happiness." As you grow, you will hunger for that more also.

As we move forward, my goal is not to create another "Steve," but to help you become the best you possible in God's sight. Remember that this may not be the same as the best you in the sight of the world. We need to keep talking about this as we go.

I love you, son. We are different in some ways and the same in others. In all, I find you a wonderful boy and future man. You bring me happiness and thankfulness. You are a blessing of God in my life, and I am thankful for you.

Love,

Dad

Who Am I, Again?

It's beginning to look like Christmas around here. Advent has started. We're still waiting for our Advent Book on order. Tabitha's Travels is en route, I'm told.

I just had a delightful conversation with a 3 year-old. She proclaimed that Santa Claus was coming to give gifts to all the children. Of course, I pretended not to know anything about it. I asked if you had to be a certain age, which she didn't know. I asked her if she thought I could get a present too, even if I'm all grown up. Karen, my wonderful wife, chimed in, "Because he's still a kid at heart."

To which she replied, "He's not a kid! He's a boy!"

Rats.

Wisdom And Artistry From Unexpected Places

My youngest has such a unique perspective! She's definitely the artist in the family. Last night, after a particularly hard day, I was about to lead the whole family in prayer, but then Shiloh asks, "Can I lead?" I was so taken off guard, the improper English didn't even register!

"Sure!" I said.

"Dear Jesus, please put the five pieces of our puzzle back together again ...and you be the board that holds us all together. Wow! Now I have two word pictures of God!"

To quote The Cat In The Hat, That is not all. Oh, no, that is not all.

Earlier in the conversation, before I even arrived, my firstborn was having a very real, teen-in-crisis moment when she confessed that she didn't see her purpose in life. This is a very honest question that I dealt with myself. Shiloh's answer, though, was one I'd never heard before.

"Kylie, I am so glad you're here because if you weren't, then Keegan and I would have to share a room. And we would have an empty room," she said, referring to the room they shared.

It didn't dawn on her that she would have had her own room just for her, or if it did, it didn't show. She's the one that's capable of sensing other's emotions and adjusting to the moment. That's a good foundation for an artist, or a counselor.

It's so good that we have her here at home with us! I'm certain beyond any shadow of doubt that putting her in a schoolroom would have negatively affected her, possibly to the point of ruining her wonderful, sensitive, kind, and loving spirit. I am so grateful for the gift of my young lady Shiloh!

Teething Bling?

Having child care in your home provides an opportunity to come across new and unusual products. A friend recommends this for moms of newborns to 24 months. I was fairly impressed by how simple an idea it is. Beats the real keys and other stuff some folks hand to their kids. Speaking of, graphite's not toxic, is it?

Dads, this might be a good "just because" gift for your wife if you have a teether. Can you believe we survived without this stuff? And no, I haven't tried this product personally, from either the mom or baby side.

Grumble, Grumble, Toil and Trouble

Let's see.

We have one vehicle, namely the van used to carry my wheelchair, down for repairs after it died just before entering the Eisenhower Tunnel (CDOT, Wikipedia). The hills approaching both ends of this tunnel have killed more vehicles than I care to count! Currently, our beloved van sits outside my house while we mull repair versus replacement. Repair is winning, but the price of $4,500.00 is just a bit outside our comfort zone. Anyone got a Chevy 350 small block in their pocket?

Life Around the House

Despite all that we do to keep life simple, sometimes life gets busy and things can't (or won't) slow down. It's been that way since early May. Because of my disability, my family has undertaken a new business. A lot of it involves using our home, and we needed a lot of renovation to make it suitable. We had no way to make the renovations, however. Money was not just tight, it was literally non-existent. Thankfully, an anonymous donor (we have a lot of those, lately!) stepped forward and not only paid for the material, but they brought in friends to help with the renovations! Now we're set up and open for business. All we need now are a few clients.

Memorial Day and graduations filled up late May and early June. Allergies make life fun this time of year. Plus, we've been working on solving a leaky sprinkler system, which is no mean feat when you're living on a shoestring budget with a disability. Old faithful springing up in your yard is never good, especially when you're trying to keep a lawn from dying in the hottest June on record. Thankfully, we have very qualified help who loves my wife's cooking better than his own--cooking, that is!

Speaking of fixing leaks, Wednesday morning, my wife was in the garage when she saw a few drips hanging around, literally. We had a leak inside the house too! A helpful friend, two plumbers and nearly $100 later, we managed to find it. Of course, Farmers insurance company doesn't cover this sort of thing, despite the promise that they would. The fix is not inside a wall like we feared, but it means we can't use a bathroom for at least a few weeks. What fun!

Nonetheless, we're okay, and God continues to watch over us! Thanks for reading, and Happy Father's Day!

The Heart Of A Young Man

My head is full of things tonight. I am under a week away from an appointment that will have significant bearing on aspects about my future, yet I find myself spending less and less time thinking about it. Instead, I find it preoccupied with how marvelous a family I have. My children are amazing. I couldn't have picked better kids if I had the choice and knew exactly what was in each of their hearts. I don't want to gush sentimentality all over, but they each bring me a unique joy and happiness I've never thought possible.

A Collection of --You Know You're a Homeschool Parent When--

You know you're a homeschooling parent when: (with apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)

• You've had to wake up your tech support 30 minutes after you tucked them into bed for the night because the network crashed before you could grade their work
• Parents compliment your kids, and not you
• The hamster died in the night but the kids already got the coffin, dug the hole and had the service before you could get that vital second cup of coffee and get to the grave side
  

Higher Heating Bills For Colorado Guaranteed By Ritter And HB 1365

Rarely do I cross-post between blogs because my personal blog is, well, personal. This time, the issues intersect both blogs. Colorado's Governor Bill Ritter will sign H.B. 1365. This bill  not only will cause the loss of railroad jobs, but it will cause a jump in our home utility bills.

Did the Democrats fail economics? This bill eludes common sense! If the population has less money to spend as a result of just trying to stay warm, it tends to make a recession worse, not better. What's worse, businesses considering adding jobs have to consider that their facility costs are way up, which means they might not expand in Colorado like they might elsewhere.

Ritter has indicated that he will sign this bill. I think Coloradoans need to look at who are the winners and losers on this bill and then drop Governor Ritter a line.

A Prince Without A Mattress

There was this old Carol Burnett song from her very early days. You might recognize it if I repeat the first lines, or the chorus, (I forget). It goes,

I've always been SHYYYYY! I confess that I'm SHYYYYY

You might not recognize it because it's from an adaptation of The Princess and the Pea called Once Upon a Mattress. If Mother Goose did not completely bewilder and confuse our childhood years with Jack-Be-Nimble (pyromania is normal, kids) and Jack-and-Jill (vinegar and brown paper is first aid?!), the fairy tales should finish us off, and The Princess and the Pea is a good dose of nonsense. Its time-tested wisdom admonishes us to marry someone who can feel a pea under 20 mattresses and 20 feather beds.

Street View For Winter Olympic Trails

It's no secret that I'm a Google Earth nut, but I'm amazed I didn't find this earlier. Street View is available for Winter Olympic trails at the different venues. Here's how they made it.

If God Knows Everything, Why Pray?

My wife was feeling very poorly. A pinched nerve had developed into a condition where any movement was very painful. We called up a friend who is gifted in healing and asked if he could come over. He said "Oh, that's why the Spirit was telling me to make dinner for you guys!"

That evening, we sat together over pork chops and yellow rice. The kids had finished early and were playing downstairs, the boys trying out their Nerf swords on each other. As can happen, play fighting turned to real fighting when the blows got too hard or they were taken too personally, and the sword play broke off into other things. That night, as I was tucking my son into bed, his emotions still hadn't really cooled. I walked him through the steps of forgiving the persons in absentia. As I did, I told him that God wanted to hear what had happened and what he felt and why. 

"But God already knows these things, Dad. Why should I tell him what he already knows?" he asked.

"Because He wants relationship with you," I told him. 

"I don't get it."

"Well, why else would we ask God to heal me? He knows I need healing. He knows I want to be healed. But He wants me to come to Him and ask Him." It's the situations we can't handle that drive us to connect with Him, and that's what He wants. He wants to hear how our day was, even though he was there for every millisecond. He loves us and went to the trouble of creating mankind just to risk you saying "yes!" to Him. He wants that daily connection, even hourly connection with your heart. What moves us, moves His heart too. Eventually, it will be that what moves His heart will move us as well. That's relationship. That's love. That's the Kingdom.

Never Abandoned In The Floodlands

In a former life that I now dimly remember, I occasionally got free music as a sales associate for The Ark Bookstore in Denver. Normally, the samples were of new, relatively unknown groups that their label was trying to push. There was the rare exception, however, and those were moments that made the low wages and long hours almost worth it. Chief among those moments was when our Sparrow representative stopped by with a pre-release copy of Steve Taylor's 1993 album, Squint. It was the last—so far—studio album that Taylor would release, capping a decade-long career in the Christian music industry. Most folks don't know who Steve Taylor is. However, most Christians have likely heard the Newsboys' song, Shine, which Steve produced and wrote the lyrics to. In fact, Steve's partnership with the Newsboys is what most credit them for their success.

Steve's music has had a huge impact on my life. Songs like Hero, Meltdown, On The Fritz and so many others fed my spirit when I faced religious hypocrisy and pretentious spirituality at a young age where I needed truth and solidarity. Truth confronts, but it also comforts. One of the best examples is in the song, "Curses," where the chorus (echoing Psalm 37:25) repeats,

Never have I seen the righteous forsaken
Never abandoned in the floodlands
Never have I seen their children out begging
Never have I seen them slip through your hands

This simple refrain would echo in my mind every time I faced worries about making mortgage or buying groceries. It remains a reminder that not only is God faithful, but that I am not the first of his children to encounter financial difficulty.

There is something else about the chorus. In this modern,"lower-middle class" lifestyle, I tend to forget the meaning of floodlands. Today, modern civilization has flood control. Rivers that used to rage and ravage towns and cities are now harnessed and regulated by dams and reservoirs. The floodlands were areas that were normally dry but prone to extensive inundation. As a result, no one who could afford to build would build in such an area. They tended to be vast areas with thick undergrowth crisscrossed by a myriad of foot trails. The only inhabitants were the poorest of the poor, vagrants living a nomadic lifestyle and eating hand-to-mouth. If a river were to flood, they would be among the first victims, sometimes the only victims. Being abandoned in the floodlands would never be by choice. It would be the last stop before dying.

God is always mindful of our situation. He never lets us slip through His hands. We make mistakes, but He never does. Also, notice what it doesn't say. It doesn't say that we would never see the floodlands, or walk through them. He may have us pass through the floodlands for any number of reasons, not the least of which would be to reach out to those are also in desperate need. Yet here is the one thing that brings me such comfort: we will never be abandoned! We have a God who carries us through the fiercest storms and the highest waves. Most importantly, when it's all over, we get to go home with Him. That's worth any trek we might face here on earth.

Just in case one thinks I'm blowing smoke, I'll offer a subjective proof, one of many small miracles God has done for me and my family. Two weeks ago, my mind turned to Christmas. It dawned on me that we might not make mortgage, let alone have the ability to purchase gifts this year for my children. Rather than fret, I told God about it and asked Him to please provide Christmas gifts for my kids. Later that week, I got a call from our church saying that a family wanted to bless a family in need with Christmas presents and asked if I would be interested. "Are you kidding? I was just praying about that this week!" I told them. Needless to say, everyone was blessed at how God worked the whole thing. He usually isn't so blatant and obvious. God uses subtle and practical ways for us most of the time. But once in awhile he offers us unmistakable signs that He's there. With God, we are never abandoned.

There Goes the Sesame Street Neighborhood

My wife came up and told me that Sesame Street had done another spoof. This time it was a skit called "Desperate Horse-wives." I got a groan when I asked if the characters were less than neigh-borly.

In all seriousness, I'm not that thrilled with how the folks at Sesame Street parody network TV shows. While I am sure that the creators mean simple and innocent fun with their skits, I believe it also sends the message that the shows they represent are normal and acceptable in normal households. I'm not sure how normal we are, but Desperate Housewives is a show that we do not let in our house. My children know that when Extreme Makeover Home Edition is over and they hear, "Previously on Desperate Housewives..." power to the television is to be immediately terminated. It's almost comical how they scramble to turn it off, as if they were diving on a live grenade.

While it may not be a grenade, many TV shows are painfully difficult for us to watch these days. Some of the shows are so corrosive, I wonder how anyone can possibly watch them. Consequently, some nights we simply don't turn on the television set. Instead, we will read a good book or play a game together, if we don't split up to do separate things. We avoid the shows not because we like feeling superior or cerebral, but because we've found that these shows actively interfere with our hearts and minds.  

^8-9Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies. (Philippians 4:8, The Message)

I can't come out with a list of TV shows that I think are bad or good. The verse above should be more than enough for the average Christian, especially when it's paired with the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Each person is responsible only to God for decisions like these. However, Jesus did give us a special charge with children.

"And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around his neck. Mark 9:42 (NIV)

To me this verse means that God takes the destruction of children's innocence very seriously. This is why the Sesame Street skits irritate me. It feels like they're playing with fire. Look smart all you want, but I would prefer if they would just stick with "C is for cookie," and the yip-yip monsters.

What? You've never heard of the yip-yip monsters?

Yip Yip

| MySpace Video Thanks Jodi!

An Afternoon With My Daughter

I spent this afternoon with my 6 year-old daughter. Instead of my thinking of what I couldn't do with her, we read, watched movies, and hung out. We even played three serious rounds of hangman. She brought out her plastic menagerie, a plastic tote stuffed to the rim with 50 or 60 plastic animals of every exotic origin.

She holds up a wildebeest. “This,” she says with all the certainty of a sunrise, “is a cantalope.”

It doesn’t matter what else is going on in the world that day. We spent the afternoon blissfully unaware of everything but each other’s company. I think God craves that time with me sometimes. Then again, perhaps he’s simply watching me with the interested eye of a bemused parent as I say, with all the certainty of a sunrise, “I have it all under control.”

My daughter Shiloh makes my heart laugh. She makes me very happy with just how she smiles. I could go for days, weeks, months, or even years without seeing the sun shine, but not one day without seeing her smiling face. I’m a very blessed father to have her. There’s no one else in the world that I would want in her place.

Life With FM Can Have Its Ups and Downs

I just had the first day up since my last post. I wish I was kidding. Fibromyalgia often means that I can't get enough sleep. I couldn't stay awake for more than an hour, maybe two, from Wednesday afternoon until this morning, with the exception of Friday evening. It's so frustrating to know that life is going on but not be able to participate!

Contrast that with today, when, thanks to the efforts of some friends, I was able to maneuver my power chair next to my workbench and actually work my way through the years of accumulated junk! Moving my chair along the bench, I steered clear of pain and frustration. I felt like I could do what I needed to do myself. In the end,  it relieved me so much just to spend three hours working on an eyesore that I have seen every time I go through the garage. It's going to take a lot more work, but I'm going to get through it. I know, because I have the support and the help of friends and family.

This Post Will Make You Hungry

One of the wonderful things about the blogosphere is that, once in a while, you happen upon a blogger who you really resonate with. For me, the blog “Lisanotes” has been hitting all the right chords with me. Recently, she had a book review that I found unexpectedly useful.

The problem has been months—no, years!—in the making. My 10 year old son has had more than his share of difficulty in understanding his sisters. Disagreements and frustrations over daily occurrences, like my 13 year-old daughter’s use of the computer, have boiled into huge conflicts. Lisa’s review of a book titled, Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti, which I had skimmed over, came to my mind. After reading the review, I sat down with my son and explained the concept to him. I will let my son take it from here.

If I were a food I’d be a Waffle. I’d be a Waffle because it describes how a male’s brain works and processes things. A Waffle has squares in it (as always), so does a males brain (supposedly). Each box represents a thing that a male is doing or thinking about at one time. Males think differently than females. They focus on one thing at one time. Females don’t think or do one thing at one time, they think or do it all at once. Therefore, females are like spaghetti because their minds keep on thinking about everything at once. They keep on following the spaghetti line through all the sauce and other noodles. Then they run out of noodle, and then their minds jump to another noodle that leads them to another, and another, and another, and another and another and so on and so forth. That is how I think that the male and female minds work, and that is why, if I were a food, I would want to be a Waffle.

(p.s. My Dad explained this to me, which really helped understand my mom and my sisters.)

Like a lot of boys, my son understands word pictures. Until this moment, it was really hard for him to understand the differences God has built into women. Now, instead of him wishing that girls were more like boys, which is something every 10 year old boy seems to struggle with, he allows his sisters the freedom to be who they are. The difference inside our house is night and day! I can hardly believe what a difference it has made. Instead of berating his little sister for leaving a mess somewhere, he reminds her that she should help clean up. His humor, his bright smile, his very soul seems sweeter and more mature. I have the feeling that I just did my future daughter-in-law—whoever she may be—a huge favor.

I told you this post will make you hungry. Let's go to IHOP and talk it over.

Working And Battling A Chronic Illness

Keeping your job when you're battling chronic illness is a serious concern. The NY Times has an article with some tips.