Failing Into the Kingdom

Being a kid with unusual sensitivity and creativity was a sure-fire recipe for disaster back in the 1980s classroom. Combine that with a learning disability and even the nicest set of boys and girls can turn hostile. Coming around to Facebook and renewing friendships from that era has taught me that most people learn more grace and accommodation as they age. I'm relieved that old injuries heal with time, and most importantly, that God can heal the most stubborn wounds with time and prayer.

Yet, perhaps the worst enemy we face growing up and into our adult lives is our own flesh. Our natural desires to protect ourselves, become independent and control your environment were cultivated in that same 1980s classroom. Those desires can be a true liability when our lives get turned upside down. Can I truly protect my family? Can I control what happens to them, or to me? Can I maintain my independence when pain robs me of the ability to walk, stand or even wash my hair?

Yes, I can't wash my hair without causing my shoulders and back to flare up with arthritic inflammation. And Fibromyalgia just loooooves that inflammation! It was so hard to ask for help with that. In fact, when it came down to it last week, I couldn't. I actually found myself protesting, "No, let me do that. You don't have..." Then I found my heart asking, "Then who's going to do it? You?" And that's where I found myself, quietly crying while my wife washed my hair. It was a picture of God's grace that was itself almost too much to bear.

It's hard to ask for help. Yet God isn't calling me to protect myself, become independent and control my environment. In fact, it seems that the enemy of my soul is the one voicing those thoughts of protection, independence and control. If I were in that mindset, I would have been absolutely beside myself with our car situation today. With one dead and one fainting at the sight of a ignition key, it's called for prayer, grace, and trust. Sure enough, God comes through with a loaner vehicle, help from a stranger, and a part cheaper than we expected.

How can I impugn a holy and righteous God who never fails? It seems that in all things, He wants to grow us in prayer, grace and trust. even when we grew up thinking that such things were for the desperate. Maybe that's why God has to make us desperate in the first place. Maybe He wants to show us a life far better than we could make it.