Friday, June 27, 2008

Modern Edsels

My best friend in Canada sent me an article on the "what were they thinking?" variety of cars in the last few decades (don't look for the Edsel). On the short list: The Pontiac Aztek, the Buick Roadmaster, and the Suzuki X-90. Sadly, one of my favorites made the list as well. The Subaru Baja was a victim of a 4 cyl. engine and insufficient seating in back. Still, it looked okay and you had the look of driving a truck (a very low one) without being asked on a weekly basis to help someone move.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Tossing Out My Selfish License

Editing Note: This post was originally published today on my Disablogger blog. I thought it could be posted here as well.



Having a disability puts issues of the heart up front. It makes those issues unavoidable. If you have an emotional control issue or even a controlling attitude that makes it easy to manipulate others, a disability is the stressor that forces you to deal with it or let the whole world see your problem while you deny its existence.

I say this because I yelled at the kids today. I mean, someone small got in my way and I used a forceful voice to call their attention to it. That’s not the person I want to be, yet that was how I acted today. I’m not proud of it, either.

Likewise, when we are prone to self-pity or self-loathing, we tend to let it get the better of us because of—not in spite of—our disability. Ironically, we can let a disability enable us to indulge in selfish behavior. We focus on ourselves, or we let conversations center around how we are getting along for more than just a little while, or we complain more than we should, all because our disability supposedly grants us license. We all have been dealt some bad cards, some we have from birth to death or some we have for a season, be it short or long. Licensed selfish behavior is still selfish, and as any kindergartener can tell you, being selfish pushes away friends and happiness.

I have challenged myself to focus on others more, doing things for them instead of doing things for me. Doing so has helped me out of the selfish mode that is so easily slipped into. What’s more, I have found that I’ve reclaimed that piece of my humanity from my disability, becoming a real person in my own self-image again. It’s funny how not focusing on something you don’t have tends to enrich your life so much more.

Tossing Out My Selfish License

Having a disability puts issues of the heart up front. It makes those issues unavoidable. If you have an emotional control issue or even a controlling attitude that makes it easy to manipulate others, a disability is the stressor that forces you to deal with it or let the whole world see your problem while you deny its existence.

I say this because I yelled at the kids today. I mean, someone small got in my way and I used a forceful voice to call their attention to it. That’s not the person I want to be, yet that was how I acted today. I’m not proud of it, either.

Likewise, when we are prone to self-pity or self-loathing, we tend to let it get the better of us because of—not in spite of—our disability. Ironically, we can let a disability enable us to indulge in selfish behavior. We focus on ourselves, or we let conversations center around how we are getting along for more than just a little while, or we complain more than we should, all because our disability supposedly grants us license. We all have been dealt some bad cards, some we have from birth to death or some we have for a season, be it short or long. Licensed selfish behavior is still selfish, and as any kindergartener can tell you, being selfish pushes away friends and happiness.

I have challenged myself to focus on others more, doing things for them instead of doing things for me. Doing so has helped me out of the selfish mode that is so easily slipped into. What’s more, I have found that I’ve reclaimed that piece of my humanity from my disability, becoming a real person in my own self-image again. It’s funny how not focusing on something you don’t have tends to enrich your life so much more.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Railroad Adds Nice Touch To Child's Funeral

This story gets a dad right in the heart.

The Canadian Pacific Railroad added a nice touch to the services and whoever approved the "Nathaniel" special to be parked for the funeral did a wonderful and special thing for the family. It lets them remember their boy not for his death in a storm, but for his life and his loves.

The Empathy Machine

I'm not the only one who's thought of this, apparently.

Too often, people with chronic pain or illness suffer from some indifference that others show them. What really affects a person is when their own support network lets them down. This can be a friend or a family member, but more often it's the medical doctors caring for their condition. It's only human nature for doctors to lose sensitivity to patients. They deal with case after case, appointment after appointment where the symptoms are reported, the notes made and eventually the heart gets used to the new norm.

Dr. Callous Heart, meet the machine. The machine--I wish!--would be a direct neural transceiver that would allow another person to feel what we feel on our worst days. They would be able to experience what we experience during the course of a normal day, where our limbs don't work the way they're supposed to or when the pain is intense or the side-effects of the medicine are severe. The empathy would break up the callousness and insensitivity and produce understanding. On the other hand, after hearing complaints and concerns for weeks, months and years, I would likely be more callous of heart than they are.

Understanding and grace on both sides of the patient-doctor fence go a long way toward helping heal the person and the physician while they treat the condition. One of the ancient academicians, Plato had it right, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Another man said it better, "Treat others as you would want to be treated." If you want people to listen to you, talk less and listen more. If you want people to be sensitive to your needs, open your heart to them and sympathize with them. When you, in your condition(s), show care and concern, it can have a powerful effect on even the hardest heart.

It's not a machine, but neither are people. Sow enough good, you'll reap good in return. Just be patient (ha!) and watch for the results. It beats switching doctors every so often.

Unstalled - Ritter's Heedless March Against Privacy

Who's in the stall next to you on your next trip to the restroom?

That question's going to be on a lot of people's minds, including mine, after hearing about Colorado's Gov. Bill Ritter signing S.B. 200 into law. This law is so poorly written, critics are expecting it to give license to all sorts of abuses. From the article:

"It is now legal in the state of Colorado for a grown man to walk into a girl's restroom in an elementary school for whatever purpose, and it is illegal for the school to say you can't do that," said Schneeberger. "What we're really concerned about is sexual predators … who want to prey on young boys or young girls in particular, who would use the confusion caused by this law to victimize our children."

I know that the likelihood of this happening is somewhat low, but then who thought the price of gas would double in two years? Unlikely things still happen and the longer this sits on the books, the more likely this poorly written law will be abused and some child ends up scarred. Under this law, my wife and children no longer have a right to privacy when they're using public restrooms, or even a pool locker room as a public accomodation. Under this law, a man with a wig and a beard could wander into the "Women's" restroom, spy on my family, and I would be legally powerless to do anything about it. All this person would need to do is yell, "Help, I'm being discriminated against!" and the ACLU will be at his side in a heartbeat. Enter the lawyers. Exit my rights.

I try not to get nostalgic, but this never would have seen the light of day under Bill Owens, our state's last governor. But now Jennifer Viega, Bill Ritter and the rest of the Denver Democrats are pushing their agenda, heedless of the damage it does to our rights.

More reading

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Extreme Makeover: Dad's Edition

One of the better "homeschool dads" out there is Todd Wilson. He has a ministry called Familyman Ministries where he goes out on the road and encourages families at homeschool conferences and conventions. We met Todd a few years ago when he came out to Colorado to do the Christian Home Educators of Colorado (CHEC) state conference. His heart is for dads and moms and how to lead a family through homeschooling and family discipleship.

He has a regular e-mail he sends out called the Familyman Weekly. I have his ongoing permission to reprint his latest edition. You may find that in the days of $4 gallons of gas, $50 doesn't even fill the tank of an SUV or even a humble minivan. Well, $50 does buy something better, as you'll see in his message below.

Hey Dad,

Just in case you didn’t know this about me, I’m cheap---although not as bad as Ebenezer Scrooge. Now with that said, let me tell you a recent story about how I overcame my natural cheap tendencies to love my daughter extravagantly.

It all happened while we were enjoying a much needed rest from life on the road in Florida. Surrounded by thousands of pale, pasty-skinned tourists, we noticed several princessy-looking girls all dolled up with sparkling hair and pixie dust.

My boys hardly took notice, but all the women folk in my family awed and ooed. I could only imagine how much it cost, and later found out that your basic princess hairdo/makeover cost about $50. FIFTY BUCKS!!!!!

As the days ticked by and we continued to see more walking princess hairdo billboards, a growing prodding began to whisper in my heart, “Katherine would love that.”

I know, but it costs fifty bucks, I inwardly argued! And it won’t even last two days.

But the feeling wouldn’t go away and had been working on my wife as well, because on the last night we both looked at each other and said, “What do you think about doing the princess makeover for Katherine?”

Then my wife added, “This could be the last year that she’ll want to. Next year she might feel too old.”

Sold.

That night we surprised our daughter with the princess treatment. She was overwhelmingly grateful, and as she walked towards me with sparkles in her hair, she beamed.

“Thank you soooo much, Dad,” she said as she hugged her old man.

“You look beautiful, Katherine,” I whispered.

Well, I was wrong. The hairdo lasted 4 days, and Katherine loved every minute of it…and so did I.

You know, Dad, the makeover cost less than a seventh of a tank of fuel for the RV, which barely lasts two days. But my daughter will always remember the night she got the princess hairdo and how she felt loved by her mom and dad.

I’m telling you, Dad, loving someone extravagantly doesn’t have to cost $50. One dad wrote me and told how he brought home candy bars to everyone in his family as a surprise. Same result.

It’s not about spending money though; it’s about using your time, money, or energy to show love extravagantly from time to time. It’s about sleeping out in the backyard, building a tree fort, or taking a much promised road trip. It’s all about doing it TODAY, because tomorrow may be too late.

So Dad, no excuses---just do it!

You ‘da dad,
Todd

PS – To see my beautiful daughter and her princess makeover along with a photo of me after a repair to a roof vent in a downpour, go to http://www.familymanweb.com/rvblog

Spend money? Maybe. Spend time and energy? You bet! Girls want to know if they're pretty in their father's eyes, and I believe that if dad doesn't effectively communicate that to his daughters, they will spend a good part of their "flower years" trying to find the love, admiration and esteem from other men who may not care one whit about their hearts or their minds. Go out there and tell your daughters you love them. Tell them before their flower fades and their heart closes forever. Dad, this father's day, be a father and call your children to your heart. Call them home. It's what daddies do.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

News of the Weird

Whether it's cheese rolling (I assume the cheese is in their pockets or in their noggins),


Or shin-kicking,


there's something to be said about the folks in Gloucestershire, UK: They're nuts.