Editing Note: This post was originally published today on my Disablogger blog. I thought it could be posted here as well.
Having a disability puts issues of the heart up front. It makes those issues unavoidable. If you have an emotional control issue or even a controlling attitude that makes it easy to manipulate others, a disability is the stressor that forces you to deal with it or let the whole world see your problem while you deny its existence.
I say this because I yelled at the kids today. I mean, someone small got in my way and I used a forceful voice to call their attention to it. That’s not the person I want to be, yet that was how I acted today. I’m not proud of it, either.
Likewise, when we are prone to self-pity or self-loathing, we tend to let it get the better of us because of—not in spite of—our disability. Ironically, we can let a disability enable us to indulge in selfish behavior. We focus on ourselves, or we let conversations center around how we are getting along for more than just a little while, or we complain more than we should, all because our disability supposedly grants us license. We all have been dealt some bad cards, some we have from birth to death or some we have for a season, be it short or long. Licensed selfish behavior is still selfish, and as any kindergartener can tell you, being selfish pushes away friends and happiness.
I have challenged myself to focus on others more, doing things for them instead of doing things for me. Doing so has helped me out of the selfish mode that is so easily slipped into. What’s more, I have found that I’ve reclaimed that piece of my humanity from my disability, becoming a real person in my own self-image again. It’s funny how not focusing on something you don’t have tends to enrich your life so much more.
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