It was while we were watching our umpteenth hour of Olympics coverage on NBC that I came up with an explanation on why guys generally have a hard time articulating their feelings about matters of the heart. I tried explaining this to my wife in the middle of her work and didn't quite make it through, so I'm going to try it here and see if I get better in explaining it.
Guys don't like to show their emotions or reveal their feelings about something dear to them because it leaves them vulnerable. This is not just "Me Tarzan not like feeling vulnerable. Rather hunt bear with pointy stick!" It's something I think we've forgotten in our relative prosperity and "lack of vital needs," like when there was only so much medicine available or there was only so much food to go around. In competition, weaknesses are exploited and it's imbued on men that weaknesses can cause you to fail and lose. To allow others to know what is in his heart is to invite disaster. So men have instinctively clammed up and only allowed their feelings out when they knew it was safe, confidential and controlled. To protect himself and the ones he loves, a man will not betray the contents of his heart for the instinctual fear that the sentiments of his heart could be used to hamstring him and expose his beloved to possible harm.
It's not an apologetic that I'm making for men, saying this is the way we are and so don't go asking us how we feel. Instead, understand that men need to know that when the environment and time is right, it is okay to actually open up a little. They won't do it if they feel threatened. Using his feelings in a later argument to hurt or hamper him is an immediate and profound reinforcement of the instinct to clam up and protect his heart. Good luck getting him to open up after that.
On that note, I'm glad that we are homeschooling my son. Keeping him out of the dog-eat-dog competition and ruthlessness of the schools, public and private, is probably going to spare his heart and protect him from the pathological side of this instinct.
No, my wife and I aren't fighting. It's just that seeing the competitive nature of the events and it's impact on so many of the olympians and their families. It really has helped me understand the human heart to watch the games. I just better come up with some more observations that are a little more profound in order to keep this from being a total loss.
Oh, and NBC, ease up on the ads for sex-and-violence shows. My kids are watching, and it's only reinforcing our desire to turn off the TV after the closing ceremonies. Maybe that wouldn't be a such a bad thing for us.
No comments:
Post a Comment