Thanks to everyone hanging in there with me. It seems I have one to two good days for every three to five bad days. With doctors changing medications, it's a wonder I'm still able to sit at a keyboard for a little while and concentrate. Sending the kids to quiet time helps though.
It's been a struggle lately. I'm still in conversational prayer with God, but trusting in His provision for our daily lives is difficult. It seems the difficulty increases in inverse proportion to how much time I spend talking to Him. He's my Master and without Him, I'm lost. I need Him, I covet and crave time with Him and when I don't get it, no matter the reason, I know things aren't right and I suffer for it. This is why I want a retreat center. I want to show others how to embrace Him and become God's own. He will put me in that position when the time is right, but we're doing everything we can to prepare for it.
Our ministry received it's 501(c)(3) status from the IRS and I've been investing some of my limited time alongside my wife in planning a couple of retreats this year. Retreats are so intentional; they must be planned and laid out with specifics and details. It's easy to lose the forest for the trees and lose track of why we're doing it in the first place, to help others to communicate with God and draw near to Him. So much anxiety and pressure is relieved when we call on Him. The faith of my father and the prayers of my mother and grandmother stand as a testimony to help me realize how critical to really living it is for us to have a deep and rich relationship with God. Jesus said, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." It's the relationship made possible by the Good Shepherd laying down his life for the sheep (us). I want others to know Him the way I know Him.
As far as daily trusting Him goes, I should also say that God is faithful. Despite my disability of Degenerative Disk Disease and Fibromyalgia Syndrome and it's income-limiting effects, we have never been wanting for food, medical care or shelter. Our home is still in great shape and we are current, at least for today. God meets all of our needs when we need them, and He even covers some of those wants that we know are not required. We are truly and richly blessed under His care. All glory for this belongs to Him.
I also get a good dose of help from my home group. We started it wanting to bless others but I would say that we are the ones most richly blessed. Maintaining a home isn't easy, but my friends from our home group have helped incredibly with our needs, both financially and with a generous amount of hard work.
My life, I guess, is full of small circles of loyal and loving friends, family and confidants. My children are clothed, fed and not worried about food or other things children shouldn't have to worry about. My wife is a beautiful and loving woman, supportive and faithful. I am the richest man in the world for these things.
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