Seeking God's Will On His Terms

I'm sorry I haven't written enough in a while. I've been trying to learn a new part-time job and because there is no manual for doing it, just a lot of "stuff," it gets a little stressful at times.

The kids bought a Playstation 2 with their birthday money this year and the scary thing is that I usually end up the one who plays it the most. It takes my mind off my symptoms and lets me focus on something that isn't necessarily work or writing. It also is something I can do when I can't really sit up and type.

The good news is that our house is no longer in immediate danger. YES! Thank you, God! We will not lose this house for financial reasons, just like God promised us over four years ago. Do we really deserve it? Who knows? Why is ours spared when so many these days are not? I don't have a good answer for that at this point. I do know that our home group will not be interrupted, which is huge. I know our family didn't have anywhere to go and the stress would have made my condition spiral, possibly for a long time.

I also see the number of things we've learned through all of this. When people would ask how we were doing, I wanted to tell them that we were just being reminded of how vulnerable we all are to losing what we hold dear. What a conversation stopper! But it's true. We are all just the next breath away from losing everything, unless God continues to provide us with oxygen for our brains, food for our stomachs, water for our mouths and clothes for our bodies. Only God's grace lets us live however many days we have. Although I would have likely denied it, I really was living my life by a subtle twist of belief that if I tried to do everything according to God's will, I wouldn't suffer. I now know that the road God has laid out for each of us can include pain and suffering for its own sake, not just as a corrective measure.

That isn't something that you see in the front of the church bulletin. It's not popular for discussion. There are even some out there that would say this is heresy, that God would never lead his children into suffering. These are probably the same people that don't understand Job very well. I'm not saying I'm as righteous as Job, but if God can lead him through that wilderness of pain, he certainly can lead others through similar circumstances. We don't want to hear that, though. We'd rather seek God by saying "Bless me! Bless me and mine!" That's because we think too little of the prize and too much of this vapor of a life, myself included. Still, like Rich Mullins said, "I don't want to lose the eternal for the things that are passing."

That said, I'm relieved we are not losing our home. I'm truly grateful for so many praying for us and helping us. My children have a roof over their head and don't have to worry about losing it. That is a blessing to me.