My Daughter Is Mighty In Spirit

My wife and I have recently been struggling to learn how to work with our youngest child, a daughter who is “mighty in spirit. ” What Dobson called the strong-willed child seems to manifest in our daughter’s personality several times a day. She reminds me so much of myself at that age! I had an intensely strong personality with my own preferences and mandates. My reaction to authority was best expressed through the title of a book I ran across a couple of years ago, titled You Can’t Make Me, But I Can Be Persuaded. Things worked best for me when I understood my options and I was allowed to make my choice. That didn’t always happen.

Violations of my independence were met with strong, sometimes violent resistance. As a result, elementary school had to be one of the most frustrating, torturous experiences I’ve ever endured. It made such an impression that it figured into my reasoning behind our decision to homeschool our children. If there is one objective for elementary school besides the obvious education factor, it is to remold young minds to be docile and easily lead. Why else is there pressure to fit in, to follow instruction without question, to do everything the same way as everyone else? Like thousands of other strong-willed children, my struggles with such institutionalized brainwashing nearly destroyed me. My teachers had labeled me unintelligent, frustrating, stubborn, disruptive, irresponsible, and lots of other things. It took me until my mid-20s to begin to figure out why I had struggled so much.

Strong-willed children have such strength for a very good reason. If they survive childhood, and if they are given what they need, they will be very strong, capable leaders. They will know right and wrong, and they will choose wisely. Their road is not an easy one, nor will they always be right. But they can learn, think and respond as well as—if not better than—their peers. I’m so glad my youngest doesn’t have to go through the pain that I went through to find that out. We can work with her and help her learn how to respond to those challenges. She can learn at home where her independence and creativity can be nourished, not stifled. She will make mistakes and she will learn the consequences, but she will not be devalued or rejected. She has a bright future; all we need to do is help her choose it.