Dark Humor And Blue Vests

Last weekend, we were at Wal-Mart.

That should say it all. Less than two weeks from Christmas, going to a major retailer in suburbia, especially the blue and white scourge, can be is an exercise in frustration. The handicapped spaces are all occupied. The electric carts are all checked out and when you do happen to find one coming available, the battery is practically dead. So, instead of whistling alongside other shoppers, you're creeping along like the lady on the cell phone in the right lane with her left blinker on. Everybody else wants to pass you but they're afraid to try.

This last weekend, we had no choice. We had to go that day, and we were not alone. At Target, we found a scooter, but it was dead. Not to be deterred, my wife walked behind me and "assisted" the scooter. When we got to Wal-Mart, all the scooters still functioning were out and the blue vests weren't about to let my wife push from behind. They feared liability. I hate that.

They radioed the other entrance and they said they were bringing one from there. Not a problem, except that when it arrived, it was a wheelchair with a tray. I'm 350 lbs. There's no way I'm going to fit inside a standard wheelchair seat. I obliged a try, but I could tell that if I continued to force myself into that chair, I would need a small army to pull me out.

So after waiting for ten minutes or so, a scooter came back in, limping and puttering. I allowed the officious blue vests to--I'm not kidding--turn the scooter around for me so I could drive it back inside the store from the entryway. As we made our way through the store, we bumped into the greeter who had brought the wheelchair.

"I'm so glad you found one!" she said.

"Yeah, so am I!" I told her. Then, with an air of confidentiality, I said, "By the way, you might want to check on an elderly lady on the floor on aisle 5. I think she's okay, but I had to push her out to get the scooter."

Her face registered a look of disbelief then horror. I told her I was joking, of course, and she resumed breathing. We all shared a laugh over my little joke and it made it worth the wait.

Frustration with your situation or your disability can really be a bummer. But if you can loosen things up with a little humor, dark or otherwise, it makes life lighter and maybe a bit easier to handle.