A Father's Words To His Son

Yesterday evening, I made a mistake. I flat out sinned. I let my anger about my disability boil over and I yelled at my 10 year-old son, who didn't feel like helping out with an extra chore before bed. Whatever he did, he did not deserve the angry words that I let out of my mouth. The moment they were out, I wanted them back. Watching my brave boy fighting the tears, my anger crumbled and I could see that I had just wounded my son's heart. Anything else quickly faded away as I realized that I must immediately reverse course and begin to rebuild my connection to my son.

I reached out by saying, "Oh son, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that." That was a beginning, but he needed much more. "What I said was wrong. That's not my heart towards you! I love you and I treasure you!" I said. Addressing the spiritual component, I prayed in repentance, "God, please forgive me for hurting your son," --he and I are both kid brothers of Jesus Christ-- "and for wounding his heart. Please bring healing and help me not to do that again." Hot tears flowed and slowly we were on the mend.

This is all to say that I am another human failing and in need of a "Successor," and that any wisdom I've shown is God working through me, not me being some kind of an uber-dad. The above also tempers the following, which is an open letter to my son that I read to him about a week ago. Dads, please feel free to take this letter as a basis for your own to pass on to your sons and daughters.*

Dear [son],

Every day of my time with you, I have tried to live my life as an example of the man I hope you will be someday. While one letter won’t make a huge difference in this, I hope it does pass on some of the stuff I might have missed saying to you, some of the things we just don’t talk about from day to day. In this letter, I hope to go over the things I’ve learned through experience, and maybe some of the stuff I knew but didn’t fully realize how important that stuff really was.

For example, I didn’t realize that a person’s life is shaped by the little choices they make every day as much as it is by the big decisions like what you will do for a career, where you will live, and so on. The little choices that you make, the mundane and overlooked ones, such as what you’ll have for lunch today, what you’ll buy, or how you treat your friend, will have a cumulative effect, one so powerful that it can limit or even eliminate your options in a big decision you want to make.

Speaking of big decisions, there is none greater than who you will marry. You can be successful in every other area of your life, and it can all be poisoned by a difficult marriage. How will you know who to marry? We will go over a lot of that together in the next few years, as well as making you ready for your future wife. However, I know of one test that will help you know for sure if she is the one. The people who know you best, the people who can be honest, will know if she is the one for you. These people will have known you for several years and they will need to get to know her. Trust their advice! On the other hand, if you don’t have any of these people in your life, maybe you are too detached to be thinking about getting married. If that’s the case, it’s better to slow things down, put down some roots, and start rebuilding friendships you can rely on.

I’ve told you often that relationships are what life is all about. If your relationships are good, then everything else in your life can go wrong, and you will still be okay. Having the right people on your team truly is make-or-break. Here are some good qualities to find in friends: wisdom, honesty, loyalty, godliness, graciousness, patience, and compassion. A lot of these are found in 1 Corinthians 13. If God blesses you, you may have maybe three or four friends over your lifetime that embody all of these traits. Hold onto them! If you’re having trouble finding friends like this, make sure you are already showing these traits in your own life. Be a friend to gain a friend. It’s true that “birds of a feather flock together,” and people will be naturally attracted to others with the same traits.

Be careful about friendships with the opposite sex. I am not saying that you shouldn’t have them, but I am saying they require extra care. What may exist in your mind as a perfectly legitimate friendship may be entirely different on her side. Do not be careless with other people’s hearts.

Perhaps the biggest risk I have taken in raising you is that I have intentionally avoided things which might have scarred or put blisters and calluses on your heart. Because of that, I have some specific advice for you. The world runs on rules that, even if we don’t live by them, we have to be mindful of. The first of which is that the material world in which we live functions on money. Everything you see, hear, taste, smell, or feel, everything is related to money. The ground you walk on, the air you breathe, and the food you eat are all for sale. And, they can all be purchased by someone other than you. Everything material has a price tag. Despite all of this, do not let the material things replace the immaterial things, such as love, respect and the human heart.

On your birthday, I was the first to hold you besides the doctors and nurses. I consider that a great honor. When you hold your own child, you will become a father, and there is something mystical, wonderful and miraculous that goes on in your heart that day. It switches from “my wife and I,” to “we.” Your fatherly instincts kick in, and you know you would move heaven and earth if they were in the way of your little child. A father will do anything he can to preserve his child from harm. This instinct is something you must experience to fully understand.

Remember that this world is broken. It was broken more than 5000 years ago. It will still be broken when we die. The only thing that will change all that is the “in the flesh” return of Jesus Christ. Only God can repair all the damage that sin has done to this world. When He does, the only things that we will have left are the relationships around us. The Kingdom of Heaven is all about relationships. Live in that reality!

Son, there will likely be other letters, other times when we will talk, just like we did recently. I want to give you these tools and tricks of the trade of Fatherhood, just like I would hand you my tool box someday and let you go out into the world. Put these things in your own children’s toolboxes, and you could be as happy and content as I am today.

Finally, Son, if it’s not apparent by now, I want you to know that I truly love you as my son. There is nothing you can do to change that fact, and I promise I will continue to love you as long as I live and for eternity. You are my son, and I couldn’t be prouder of you.

Sincerely,

Your Dad

There it is. That's my open letter. I promised it over a month ago and yes! I actually delivered! Thanks, God.

This post is incredibly long, but let me close out with this. If there are any fathers (or sons) who want prayer for their relationship to be healed or restored, please leave a comment. I know that there are others with me on this blog who would be willing to pray for you.












*Please note that this offer does not release rights to the letter, in whole or in part, for any other kind of redistribution including publication. All copyrights still apply.