Craving the Satisfaction of a Job Well Done

Like my Creator, I need to be needed. I guess that demands an explanation. It's based in part on the Westminister Catechism. God created us because he wanted (maybe needed) someone to choose to love Him and glorify Him. God desires us to love Him and enjoy Him forever, to need Him and express that need by praying to Him.

Similarly, I have to have someone need me. I cannot be a self-contained, self-satisfying island. I've had recent reminders of this. Because I'm not able to sit for long periods at the computer anymore, I've had to let my wife come in and help put things together for our clients. It's frustrating! I'm not able to be as useful. While all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, all play and no work makes Steve purposeless and empty. I need to come away from each day with something -- anything! -- that says I was critical to something good happening that day. It's not that I feel worthless, but I need the gratification of a job well done.

Today, Karen had a crick in her neck from sleeping wrong. Now, I do not have any sort of license or degree for massage, but baby, I really enjoyed working on her neck and helping her feel better. I have strong hands and a talent for finding tension and getting it to release. I'd get the training and licensing if I thought I could do it part-time or full-time with any consistency. Unfortunately, I can't predict the times or the duration for the periods I am unable to work. If I could, I would be able to make a job of doing it. Maybe in the future, but today, it's just not possible.

Brace Yourselves, America

I am very concerned about the "Mideast Peace Conference" being put on by President Bush. It seems like every time we pressure Israel to give up its land, "acts of God" seem to tear us up. This country is in enough trouble without the President pursuing this legacy grabber. Since Carter did it in the 70s, every President has felt the need to try it and see if he can be "the one who brokered a lasting Mideast peace," especially if it's a second term presidency.

You have to wonder if we'll ever get it. Gee, pressure Israel to barter land for peace--something that's never worked!--and somehow we end up with a natural disaster or some other unforeseen event negatively impacting the nation. Most of the country's dogs could understand this logic, so why can't our leadership? One word: hubris.

Christi elaison. (God, have mercy.)

Fight For Me

A friend of mine recently introduced me to the music of Danny Oertli. WOW! I know that this is unusual for me to go off like this, but his song "Fight For Me" really, really resonates with me. Since I can't find the lyrics online, I'm posting them here.

I am praying this for Paul and Gena today as they are dealing with a less-than-ideal situation with their newborn. I have no more details than what Paul gives on his blog. Please pray with me for them today. God, fight for them and their new baby.

Fight For Me
Exodus 14:14, 1 Peter 5:8
words and music by Danny Oertli (listen on his MySpace page) (about.com review)

Sometimes I feel surrounded
Dark spirits in the air
Waiting to destroy me
More than I can bear
A prayer of desperation
With nowhere left to run
Looking to the heavens
Feeling so undone

Fight for me, yeah
And I will remain still
Fight for me, yeah
And I will remain still

He paces in the darkness
And whispers in my ear
Poisoning your mercy
With all my deepest fears
So when I'm weak and broken
Unable to stand
I will wait in silence
And watch your mighty hand

Fight for me, yeah
And I will remain still
Fight for me, yeah
And I will remain still

(c) 2004 Danny Oertli Music
posted under Fair Use

Baby Grace

God have mercy. What happened to this innocent?

NFL Thoughts

Time is truly relative. One NFL minute is equal to 3 real minutes, unless it's at night where it's equal to 4.5 real minutes.

The NFL needs to get a clue about the advertisements they allow NBC, ESPN, CBS and especially Fox to air. For a father trying to teach his son about what makes a real, godly man, we want to see the game. We don't want to see Beyonce bump and grind, skimpy cheerleader outfits and hard-hitting ads for shows we would never let our kids watch. The good thing about winter is that it gives the cheerleaders an excuse to dress in something more than a bikini. Now it seems there's nothing the networks won't show, and they don't care about kids. They care about profits. The NFL has an interest in controlling the presentation, yet they don't seem to value them either. It's getting to where I'm about to pull the plug or record the games to skip this stuff.

If there is a dark, sinister force in the NFL, it is most at home with Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis. Few people fail to respect their staff more than him, fewer still will out-stoop him in foul play.

Though I would like to say Mile High, it is Arrowhead that is the most feared venue, no matter the season or the quality of the Chiefs.

At it's best, football is a sport that teaches strategic and tactical thinking. At it's worst, it teaches that a person's morals don't matter if they play the game well. This is why I respect Broncos head coach Mike Shanahan for including how the person behaves off the field in his decision making.

Whoops. Broncos are on. Gotta go.

Coffee Snobbery

I need to confess something. I am a coffee addict. Worse, I am a coffee snob. I will forget Folgers, ban Yuban and chuck Chock Full o'Nuts. Bags of Eight O'Clock Coffee and Dunkin' Donuts coffee are good if you're needing a paperweight but they are horrible for drinking. Whole bean coffee is sublime and I love the scent of freshly roasted beans still shiny with natural oils. It's a sight that makes me giddy with anticipation.

I am not alone in my love for coffee. My wife is also hooked. Our day cannot start without a 16 oz cup of strong, freshly brewed goodness, followed closely by a second cup. Half and half and natural sugar round out the flavor. It gives me something to warm my hands with and soothe my mouth, which is usually dry from the medications I'm taking. I keep track of what companies are pricing their beans at so I can get the best cup for the lowest cost. As a result, I avoid Starbucks and their Seattle's Best Coffee (purchased by Starbucks in 2003). The exception is a bag of Starbucks' Gold Coast blend or their Caffe Verona. It's the only two I will pick if I have a choice. Otherwise, and this is going to sound weird, I pick up a large bag of Marques de Paiva. I usually pick up their Fair Trade or Rainforest blend. I also use their espresso blend for my espresso machine.

Speaking of espresso, most folks don't know how to do it. The secret to a good espresso drink is as follows:

1. The Grind - a fine, powdery grind is best
2. The Tamp - espresso needs to be pressed firmly into the basket filter, using about 40 pounds of pressure, rotationally tamped with a quarter-turn a couple of times
3. The Temp - preheat the shot glass so that the espresso doesn't lose it's temperature. With espresso, time and temperature is your enemy. For this reason, most baristas steam the milk before or during the brew cycle, never afterward.

For regular joe coffee, a full, non-bitter taste is my favorite. Yet, there is the belief out there that the more expensive a coffee is, the better tasting the brew will be. It's partly correct. I've found that the lighter colored beans, called quakers, are responsible for bitter, sour or simply bad-tasting coffee. Every blend will have them because it's nearly impossible to weed them out, but the fewer quakers, the better the brew. Since no one to my knowledge has developed an automated quaker detector, removing the quakers must be done by hand, increasing the cost of the coffee for how long someone is paid to remove them. On the other hand, the Marques de Paiva blend somehow gets around this cost, delivering a great taste for a lower cost. I'm sure the rest of the coffee industry joins me in wondering how they are doing this.

There's other, local roasts and roasters that are hidden gems. Some of them actually make it to the big retailers too. But, like small guys taking on Starbucks retail, they are the exception not the rule. Never be afraid to plunk down a few bucks on a sample bag of coffee. You never know what you might be missing. If it's awful, throw it out and brew with another blend you trust and try another one next week, because apathy kills your taste buds. It's the one thing standing between you and your becoming a coffee snob.

Thanks Given

Okay, here I am on the day before Thanksgiving, sitting in a peaceful home. I have much to be thankful for.

Our home, despite our lack of income for two years, is still intact. This is a miracle!

I have my pain medications here and they're working. They didn't cost me a fortune, thanks to Medicaid and God's provision.

My wife and children love me. I had a wonderful, candle-lit moment with my wife last night talking about us (after I had a snit-fit). She's really the great one in our relationship. She has such a servant's heart and she takes care of every need, often stepping to the plate when I can't help. I often write about coping with a disability, but she's the real authority on it. She puts up with all my symptoms and problems. She doesn't accuse me or regret marrying me. She loves me. I am so very thankful for that. I would do anything to keep our hearts together.

My body, while injured, is not dead and is doing much better than those who have totally lost functions. I can still do some part-time work with a few provisions. If I couldn't do anything, it would rob my heart of so much.

I have the support of my parents, who sacrifice time, money and effort to help me stay on top of the house. I couldn't keep my family here without their love and support. Most importantly, it's given in grace, without asking for anything in return--except maybe allowing them to love their grandkids. I treasure every moment I'm around them. Not many people can say that about their parents. When I grow up, I want to be just like them.

We received $200 from a Christian brother or sister who wants to remain anonymous. If nothing else, this gives me hope that we will be able to give our kids some gifts this Christmas. I know that God will reward this person for what they did in secret.

We have the prospect of having valuable work done on our house to help us in our long-term needs. That will go a long way toward our being able to stay here.

I have a friend who understands chronic pain and spinal cord problems because he suffers from it too. People like me need others who can relate to us on our pain and symptoms. The frustration and the depression can get overwhelming and having someone understand your predicament during those times counts for a lot. It's God's providence.

I can pray over my little ones without worrying about their future or present circumstances, because I know God hasn't carried us this far only to drop us now.

I have the sacrificial blood of Jesus Christ in me and working good in everything I encounter. This eternal grace and forgiveness is the most wonderful and profound act in the universe. And it involves me when it didn't have to because He loves me.

And He loves you, too. That's worth a little turkey with gravy, don't you think?

Grain Bin Ruins A Thanksgiving

I guess this falls between news and what-in-the-world. A family in Iowa lives next to a brand new grain silo. What could happen?


Astounding. I wonder what the girl is thinking. "'Move to Iowa!' they said. 'It's safer here,' they said." "Well, if we ever find the turkey..."

How could you possibly explain this to your friends or out-of-town family coming for Thanksgiving? A grain bin fell on our house? I wonder if their grandkids would even believe this story. "We were watching TV and then a half-million bushels (17,619.5 cubic meters) of corn came into our living room, knocking our house off it's foundation and putting us in our neighbor's yard." Their progeny would think them senile.

Another Handy Google Tool

Hey there, folks! Just checking in on my blog. I have been working on some pieces, but they're not flowing out as easily as I'm used to. I'm beginning to wonder if they should even see light on my blog. Something to pray about anyway.

In the meantime, as everyone's turkeys are thawing in savory anticipation of this Thursday, I'd like to introduce a tool I just discovered today. Google Notebook seems to allow anyone with a Google account to copy snippets of text to a private data collection on the web. This is a big deal for researchers working from more than one computer. Instead of toting the data with you, why not simply log in and pull it down when you need it?

Unplanned Round Up In Utah

I can't say I blame the cows...