Monday, March 31, 2008

Man Declared Brain Dead "Feels Pretty Good"

Imagine his parents and how they almost lost him.

Brings to mind the line the prodigal's father said, "My son was once dead to me, now he's alive! He was lost, but now he's found!" We come alive to Christ every time we turn back to him.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Taking the First Step From Hopeless To Hopeful

Hopeful. Believing in what God has done and allowing belief to affect your outlook.

Hopeless. Cutting off all belief of what God has done and allowing disbelief to affect your outlook.

The journey between hopeless and hopeful is impossible for us to make without believing God and Who He says He is. It is impossible to know God without studying His Word, the Bible. Therefore, the first step from hopeless to hopeful is reading God's Word to know Him and His character. It is from this that we know that,

  • God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Prov 3:34
  • For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. Ps 84:11
  • I will listen to what God the LORD will say; he promises peace to his people, his saints— but let them not return to folly. Surely his salvation is near those who fear him, that his glory may dwell in our land. Ps 85:8-9
  • You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you. Hear my prayer, O LORD; listen to my cry for mercy. In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me. Ps 86:5-7

God will restore hope. We call to Him and He will answer. You can call to Him and He will answer. This is your first step.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Friday, March 21, 2008

The Miracle of Modern Homeschooling

The miracle of modern homeschooling is not that the product is academically superior. The miracle is that parents are discovering their children and finding they can provide their child with a moral context for the academic education. The majority of parents find their goal grows from providing a better education for their child to producing a whole adult who is ready to assume their role in society.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Every Moment Is Beautiful

I have just read the best post I've seen in months, maybe years.

If that didn't get your attention, you're too busy so nevermind. The rest of you need to get a cup of coffee, tea or whatever it is that makes you pause while you drink or eat it. Sit down and read Melissa Wiley's Every Face I Look At Seems Beautiful To Me. It's so good, I italicized it. Finding this gem is the reason I read blogs in the first place. This one challenges me to stop looking forward to things and simply savoring all I can out of the moment I find myself in. Helping our kids nurture their love for learning is more important than deskwork, and Wiley's post reminded me at just the right time.

One more thought to add. My disability helps me see the wisdom of what she said. Often my condition puts whatever goal I had for the day or even the week out of reach for me. It's dumb, really dumb, to get frustrated about it. It doesn't change anything. Instead, I need to focus on enjoying what I can do, even if it's just lying still and breathing in and out for the next hour or two. I'm really grateful for this post.

- s. r. w.

Making Time

Todd Wilson over at FamilyManWeb.com just sent me a good reminder. Here it is:
It’s a beautiful, spring morning here in Northern Indiana. The sun is shining, the temperature is well below freezing, and there is a winter storm warning for the next two days. Perfect weather for finishing up the last minute details before we hit the road next Wednesday---NOT!

Actually, I feel a little overwhelmed and discouraged. I’m having a tail light issue on the RV, which I hadn’t anticipated, my grandmother will be going to heaven soon, and---did I mention the winter storm thing?

Here’s the real kicker: time is passing at lightning speed, and I don’t like it. Just yesterday, my wife was talking to an old high school friend who mentioned that her daughter would be going to college in the fall and she was saddened by the thought that she was---leaving.

When my wife relayed their conversation to me, I was taken back in time to a restaurant table filled with a bunch of young couples that were entertained by a little girl in a highchair who could say, “Bubbles.”

Now the restaurant is gone, some of the couples are no longer couples, and the little bubble girl will be going to college in the fall---and I’ve got a lump in my throat.

That’s the thing about time. It sneaks up on you and changes things before you notice or can do anything about it. It takes little girls and boys and turns them into men and women. It takes fried chicken-making grandmothers and confines them to wheelchairs unable to communicate, eventually transforming them into fond memories.

Time’s doing ‘it’ right now. My little daughter who begs her very busy father to play Candyland will quit asking one day. And about the time I’m starting to have time---she won’t be there.

Drat that dastardly time!

But my ‘drats’ won’t change things. My only recourse is to enjoy my family, the cold weather, and a game of Candlyland today because the bubble girl is going to college in the fall.
"Dastardly time" is unrelenting, and just like Todd says, it changes things and moves people beyond our reach. You know, since I've lost the ability to work full-time, you'd think I'd naturally have more time for my kids. Imagine my shock when I'd looked back over the months and found that I'd spent a lot of time on "stuff" and not as much on my kids as I would like.

When I was a kid, I had a big sandbox in my back yard. It was Tonka heaven! In the summer, I would liven things up and get a hose to create "water management projects." One of the first things I learned working in "muck" was that sand and water have their own mind about where they want to go. Holes that would normally stay where you put them needed something in them or they would disappear as quickly as you dug the hole. It's the same thing with time. Time will naturally fill in the voids unless you intentionally put something there to keep it open.

What they say is true: you make time for the important things. No one went to their grave wishing they'd put in more overtime or pressed harder for that raise in pay. Work is work; it's what makes living possible. Don't forget to live. Make the time for your family.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

What is Disability?

Disability: everyone talks about it... The ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act), handicapped parking, disability insurance like Aflac, FMLA (Family & Medical Leave Act), Social Security Disability... It's odd to me that it's never fully defined by the folks discussing it. Does it mean people in wheelchairs? People with canes and walkers? The blind? The elderly? The deaf? The mentally handicapped? The retired football player? The mentally ill? The accident survivor?

Yes, but rather than develop a long list, I'd rather supply a definition that, while not original, might be the best way to put it. A disability is a physical or mental condition that prevents a person from doing an activity that they would like to do, whether they've done it before or not. Obviously, I'm assuming two things, a usual set of desires and a typical set of activities.

From the abstract to the practical: How does my disability apply to me? I cannot do a lot of things I would like to. In the past, I have climbed mountains, played sports--soccer and racquetball were my favorites, flown in an airplane, sat at the computer for long periods, bought clothes, lifted weights, danced, swam, ran... all these things I can no longer do in any significant capacity because of my disability. This is a loss that impacts every aspect of my life. Lifting weight alone is a crusher. What dad hasn't lifted his child over his head and looked into his child's eyes? No longer an option. Work in a job--even a sedentary one--is impossible. These are activities that define daddy-ness, fatherhood, and the inability to express fatherhood through these actions cuts at the heart of my identity.

Disability is more than the mere lack of ability. It's a marker, a line that is vividly drawn around the individual, excluding them from the group that they should be able to join if they wanted to. It's the invisible bubble that separates in the most profound way: our ability to demonstrate and act out of our heart's desire. That is disability.

Our House Still Stands By Faith

I've been having vivid dreams lately. Most of them are subconscious stuff, the things I mull over in my mind during the day or things that haven't been resolved. However, a week ago, I had a dream that we were weathering a hurricane in Florida. I've never been in one, so I can only wonder how much my dream would stack up against the real thing. We were in this solid, sturdy house that was beautiful on the inside and oddly enough, it had a lot of un-boarded-up glass. That's not the best thing for weathering hurricanes!

The storm let up and we went outside to look around. The house strikingly remained untouched while everything around was devastated. It was cold and flakes of snow were falling down and gathering in spots. I looked up to see the blue sky and then recognized the "eye wall" cloud. We were in the dead-center of the hurricane! I yelled for everyone to get back inside and we barely made it back in before the storm hit again with the same fury. The storm raged, but I had a great deal of trust that the house would hold against the storm.

When I woke up, the thing that stuck out in my mind wasn't the storm's fury. It was the snow in a hurricane in Florida! How could there be snow in a hurricane? It stuck out so much in my mind that I told my wife about it. When we're at a crossroads, God tends to send us dreams that have specific messages, but this one didn't have a readily apparent meaning aside from us weathering our financial storm, which was encouraging enough.

Then today, my wife read a post by a friend about snow and it dovetailed right into the dream, giving us further meaning. Through our circumstances, we are seeing how faith (snow), real honest-to-God faith, is coming through this storm in the most unlikely of environments, one that should melt faith down but is seeing it survive and propagate instead. Our house still stands by faith through the storm.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Short Shenanigans

My soon-to-be 5 year-old daughter has been up to a lot in the cute department. Since yesterday was St. Patrick's Day, I guess we'll call it her short shenanigans.

Let's start with math and vocabulary. Last week, she told my wife, "Mom, we have a pre-dic-a-ment!" When asked why, she said, "Well, we have two tortillas and daddy wants one, and I want one, and Bubba wants one. We have a pre-dic-a-ment!" Yes, we did.

On Sunday, she pointed out when someone used "elf-control." This comes in handy for Santa.

Today, she was dressed as a queen, complete with crown, scepter and necklace. After my wife commented on her appearance, she said, "No, Mom. You're supposed to say [it with] a English accident!" Thats it. No more Mr. Bean for her.

Tonight, she was singing Happy Birthday to Clifford the Big Red Dog, zoo style,
Happy birthday to you
You live in a zoo
You smell like a dog
Aaaand you barf like one too! (she honestly meant bark)
You'd think I'd be able to get one of these on video.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Welcome and About Me

Hi. My name is Steve. I've been blogging for a bit under three years now, but this is my first attempt at blogging exclusively about disability.

I am a Christian, and my faith is very important to me. I believe it's one of the strengths I have and not one of my weaknesses. I guess that's a circular argument. But I do believe in God and I know that He believes in me. I wouldn't be where I am or who I am otherwise.

I am a husband and father of three young children. My wife and children are the loves of my life and I would gladly give anything to keep us together. Likewise, I wouldn't be where I am or who I am without them.

Both of these things shape everything about me and will taint everything I have to say, one way or another. That's my most honest assessment. I can't write about being disabled and single because I couldn't even contemplate that, let alone place myself in that person's shoes. In the same vein, I can't write about things from an atheistic or agnostic position because I can't imagine a reality apart from a divine and omnipotent creator. If you are looking for writing from these two perspectives, you won't find it. Yet I can easily understand how people can and do live with a disability inside that worldview. I simply know that I can't be true to myself and pretend to advocate life without these two fundamental elements in my life.

Next, I plan to tackle what a disability is.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Coloring Flags and Learning Geography

Home schoolers who have coloring book-aged children might be interested in this flag coloring web site with outlines of flags that you can print up for the cost of ink and paper. As a kid, I thought flags were really cool. Maybe I never outgrew it.

Here's my first attempt:



...Oh, wait. I'm supposed to print it, then color it. But it turns out better when I do it this way!

We Americans call the flag of the United States of America "The Stars and Stripes" and sometimes "Old Glory," but I had never considered that other nations have names for their flags too. For example, Switzerland has the Federal Cross (no comment on this from the S.C.L.U.) and Japan calls their simple design the Hinomaru (sun disk flag).

Flags are a great starting point to teach geography and one terrific resource is the Central Intelligence Agency. Yep, you heard me. They have a World Factbook that was just re-published for 2008, but you can always check out their up-to-date, online version. They have a flag database, but there's so much more. Do you want a political map of the entire world in PDF? How about get an approximation of the comparative area of Uzbekistan?

It doesn't have to get very complicated. One other way to use the flags once you color them is to help your kids understand how one place can have a flag representing their nation, their province or state, and even their county and city. Point to a map of North America and have them pick the right flags for Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada or Chicago, Illinois, United States of America. Here's my home town's flag. Depending on how creative your kids are, you can have them make up their own personal flag or family flag. Ask them what they would put on it and see what they think is important to them or what makes them and your family unique to the world. You might have your eyes opened a bit by their responses.

One last thought: Geography is a great opportunity to teach your children to pray for the countries, people groups and tribes.
Where people live and how they live is important, but praying for others is eternally significant.

PS: For Canadians, the proper title of this post is "Colouring Flags and Learning Geography"
See, I'm multi-lingual! "Pass me some serviettes. I spilled some Molson and soaked my tuque."

Monday, March 10, 2008

California Criminalizes Homeschooling

I can't believe how insane California's jurists can get. According to the ruling, every homeschooling parent in California is now criminally liable--yes, you read that right--for educating their child at home. James Dobson says it's "an imperious assault on the rights of parents..." I can't say he's wrong or even overstating the fact, as activists are known to do. Please visit HSLDA to sign their organized petition to get the Supreme Court to "depublish" the case and have it only apply to the family in the case.

House of Cards, House of Faith

This last week with the court decision affecting our finances has been hard, but the worst came last night. My parents and I are very close and they come over every couple of weeks to check up on us, help me take care of the house, play with their grandkids and play cards with my wife and I. We have a 7-year string of Reno Rummy games that just won't quit. Last night was probably around our 200th game. We're at the table playing and my dad casually asked, "So, when are you going to start listing the house for sale?"

Now, my folks know about our situation with the court, but I had assumed that my mom passed on to my dad that my wife and I had prayed repeatedly and we both felt that we couldn't sell the house and remain faithful to God. We believed (still do) that God was going to somehow take care of us. As a result, I never expected the question and it blindsided me. I'd like to say that I articulated what we believed God had told us what he would do, but the casualness and bluntness of the question sent me into a spiritual and intellectual tailspin and, to my shame, all that came out was an R-rated version of "go jump in the lake." Instantly, my dad and I were eyeball-to-eyeball and my dad threatened something until my mom asked him to stop. I backed down and excused myself at the next possible moment.

Not a great moment. In fact, this was perhaps the most distressing moment I can ever remember in my life. As adults, my dad and I are so close and this was like an atom bomb going off between us. Suddenly I was back to 15 going on 25, ready to take him on. This simple exchange had just blown up a perfectly good game of cards and my relationship with my dad was a smoldering ruin.

I went away to my bedroom as the shock of what had just happened began to melt into a boiling froth of anger, disbelief and a seething rage. It was as if all that financial pressure and the sting of my dad's words transformed into some kind of aggression that I had never known before. Additionally, my natural desire to protect and provide for my family, so long denied because of my condition, had twisted into a destructive despair that messed with every thought I had. I was a total mess! Finally, my wife came up and helped talk me down. She explained how my mom was working with my dad and that he wasn't aware of some of the things we had told her. I calmed down a bit and eventually, I went downstairs.

My dad and mom were cleaning up the cards and stuff off the table and I was still not sure what to do as I went to pick up my laptop. I turned to go upstairs when my dad said, "Steve, I'm sorry that--" which was all he got out before I turned and ran into his arms. I locked with him in a big bear hug as I tried to get my apology out between tears and gasps for air. I don't think either of us knew how much our relationship mattered to us. If there's one man on earth whose opinion I value, it's his.

We sat down across from each other and I spelled out my convictions about our circumstances and how strongly I believed in them. I couldn't change them and as I professed what I believed God would do, I felt like everything that I was just was stripped away. My dad explained how he hadn't known about how we felt and how he just concluded that the only option would be selling our house, not realizing that our breaking even is impossible.

After that, we actually got back to playing cards! Things were not as awkward as they could have been, although it wasn't entirely normal. Today, my dad, my son and I went on a short ice fishing trip and after talking on the trip, we still don't totally see eye to eye, but he's agreed to support me in what I believe and help any way he can. To be honest, if we were in each other's shoes, I probably would believe him to be a bit crazy and setting himself up for a disappointment by believing in a miracle. Yes, I am crazy. Yes, I have very little hope of making it out of this situation. But I know God is watching over me. I know He will take care of me and my family. I would surrender this house if I felt that's what He wanted, but I believe He wants us to hang onto this house. I trust Him to know what He's doing.

Please pray for us. I'm scared, but I know my God loves me and will protect me and my family. I trust him with everything, including this.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Warm Thoughts

Here's what my wife made for me recently, a fleece throw blanket.


Yep, I'm a train buff. On a winter night, with the snow and rain outside, nothing beats this three layered blanket.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Two For Two

Please also pray for my friend, Chad. He was in a workshop accident today and his left hand was injured by a table saw. The doctor who performed the surgery to repair the damage said that this is a "devastating" injury for Chad's calling. They are already preparing his family for months of recover and months of physical therapy before they know how bad the damage truly is. He's out of surgery and waking up now.

Please pray for the emotional impact of this to not crush what God's been doing in Chad's life. He's got a great future and calling, but this puts everything in doubt. Pray that inflammation disappears and that his hand will be perfectly healed in God's timing.

When the enemy strikes, he strikes hard.

Do We Flail About Or Sit Still?

There's no pretty way to say it, at least not one that comes to mind. The decision went against us.

I know part of me is still in shock. We honestly expected the decision to go our way. Yet here we are. We don't know what to do or where to turn. Somehow, I don't think that's what we need to be doing now. My nature is to jump up, rally the troops and throw everything we've got at survival. My nature is to deny God the chance to do what He wants with me.

If he said, "Go back to work," I wouldn't hesitate. I've asked him to heal me so that I can provide for my family. His answer is no, every time. If anything, my condition has worsened over time. I know and believe God will heal me when He says He will. If that's at the end of this sentence or at the resurrection, I welcome it. Until then, I intend to concentrate on the important things and not chase my tail trying to fix it all. Mary sat at Jesus' feet while He taught, and Martha fumed as she flailed away in the kitchen. I wait on Jesus to tell me His will for the next moment.

Come, Lord Jesus.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

The High and Daring Road of Faith

I grew up in Colorado and for years, my father and I took the back country roads and trails. Some were state highways. Some were about as wide as three finger-widths. Now, some 30 years after those adventures began, for the last two and a half years, my family has been experiencing financial difficulties. In terms of faith, this has been one of those high and daring roads, one that's three finger-widths from disaster.

This afternoon, we received word that the decision we've been waiting for has been made, but due to legal reasons, we won't know what the decision is for a day or two. This news comes to us as we are trying to keep our house from foreclosure.

There is not one moment we haven't depended on God to take care of us . He has given us everything we've needed by every source imaginable when we've needed it. Walking out this faith has not been easy for us, and our children are witnessing the high and low points of it all. If nothing else, this is giving our children an empirical knowledge of God and how He works in people's lives.

Since receiving the news, my wife and I sat down with the kids and told them the news about our mortgage company's latest demand as well as the impending decision. I told the kids that no matter what happens, we need to keep our eyes on God as our provider. God's ability to provide for us doesn't depend on the will of a few people. We just have to wait and be obedient. We all prayed together as a family and afterwards all three kids (even our 4 year old) told us that they felt the Holy Spirit telling them that God will make a way to provide for us. That makes everything we've been through worth it! It thrills me to know that they are learning to trust Him, not just learning to trust an employer or a bank account. I wouldn't have picked this road for my family if I had a choice, but I'm glad that God knows where we're at. He knows our names. We have put our faith in Him. He continues to lead us on this high and daring road.

To be continued...

Monday, March 3, 2008

Glass Pains

This is what I wrote yesterday before I collapsed from fatigue
----------------------------
Theme for Monday: Broken glass

I woke up this morning to the news that my daughter had walked through a glass door. Don't worry! It was a small door on our secondhand entertainment center and it didn't even hurt her, but the glass shattered like only glass can. I come downstairs to help my wife clean up. While I'm at it, I decide to help her out by replacing the fluorescent tubes that burned out in the basement. I brought out the burned out pair and placed them next to the door to be carried out to the trash. You know, that was a bonehead move. Why couldn't I have simply removed it to the garage or the trash can?

As it was, Karen bumped it while she was trying to clean up the glass and POW! it broke falling into the laundry room. The good news is that it didn't break all of them and since we already had the cleaning tools out, it was just more glass... thinner, in a different area, and possibly contaminated with lead and mercury, but it was just more glass.

It's kind of funny when you look on environmental sites and they have so many steps to cleaning up a florescent bulb, something like "If drapes or carpet have come in contact and become contaminated, arrange for disposal with an authorized hazardous materials handler..." In other words, don't just throw them away. Remember when we could play in the street, start small fires with magnifying glasses and actually throw lawn darts as a fun summer evening game?

---------------------
Added today:

So we ventilated the room, swept and vacuumed until we didn't hear that "popcorn" sound from the vacuum brush any more. Now we wear socks or shoes for a while.

I just heard my son call out, "Glass shard!"

He found one, but not with his feet. Thank God for that.

The most frustrating part about this was that for years--years!--I had the thought to simply remove those doors before something like that ever happened. The only thing they really served for was to keep out dust. I can live with dust, especially if it means not cleaning up glass and not taking a trip to the emergency room. Why I didn't remove the glass in the first place was probably because it looked better with the glass in place. I hope this is the only time I ever make the mistake of choosing class and appearance over my children's safety. As it is, I'm very grateful God protected my daughter.

I'll definitely know what to look for to hold our components when we buy a 50 inch widescreen TV ...in 2016.